How to Cope With A Loved One's Mental Health Issue

It can be difficult living with a family member who has a mental health issue. Here are suggestions to better cope with a friend or family member's mental health issue.
If you find it difficult to come to terms with your loved one's mental health issue, there are many others who share your difficulty. Strange, unpredictable behaviors in a loved one can be devastating, and your anxiety can be high as you struggle with each episode of illness and worry about the future. It seems impossible at first, but most people find that over time they do gain the knowledge and skills to cope with mental health issues effectively. They do have strengths they never knew they had, and they can meet situations they never even anticipated.






A good start in learning to cope is to find out as much as possible about mental health isssues, both by reading and talking with other families. NAMI has books, pamphlets, fact sheets, and tapes available about different illnesses, treatments, and issues you may have to deal with. The Nipissing Family program offers The NAMI Family-to-Family education course yearly. The 12 week course and materials are free. The course runs 2.5 hours weekly. The next anticipated date is set for early fall 2010. (contact April for more information about registration)


The following are some things to remember that should help you as you learn to live with mental health issues in your family:

• You cannot cure a mental disorder for a loved one.

• No one is to blame for the illness.

• Mental disorders affect more than the person who is ill.

• Despite your best efforts, your loved one's symptoms may get worse, or they may improve.

• If you feel extreme resentment, you are giving too much.

• It is as hard for the parent or sibling to accept the disorder as it is for other family members.

• Acceptance of the disorder by all concerned may be helpful, but it is not necessary.

• A delusion has little or nothing to do with reality, so it needs no discussion.

• Separate the person from the disorder.

• It is not OK for you to be neglected. You have emotional needs and wants, too.

• The illness of a family member is nothing to be ashamed of. The reality is that you will likely encounter stigma from an apprehensive public.

• You may have to revise your expectations of the ill person.

• You may have to renegotiate your emotional relationship with the ill person.

• Acknowledge the remarkable courage your sibling or parents may show when dealing with a mental disorder.

• Generally, those closest in sibling order and gender become emotionally enmeshed while those further out become estranged.

• Grief issues for siblings are about what you had and lost. For adult children, they are about what you never had.

• After denial, sadness, and anger comes acceptance. The addition of understanding yields compassion.

• It is absurd to believe you may correct a biological illness such as diabetes, schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder with talk, although addressing social complications may be helpful.

• Symptoms may change over time while the underlying disorder remains.

• You should request the diagnosis and its explanation from professionals.

• Mental health professionals have varied degrees of competence.

• You have a right to ensure your personal safety.

• Strange behavior is a symptom of the disorder. Don't take it personally.

• Don't be afraid to ask your loved one if he or she is thinking about hurting him- or herself. Suicide is real.

• Don't shoulder the whole responsibility for your mentally disordered relative yourself.

• You are not a paid professional caseworker. Your role is to be a friend or family member, not a  caseworker.

• The needs of the ill person do not necessarily always come first.

• If you can't care for yourself, you can't care for another.

• It is important to have boundaries and to set clear limits.

• Just because a person has limited capabilities doesn't mean that you expect nothing of him or her.

• It is natural to experience many and confusing emotions such as grief, guilt, fear, anger, sadness, hurt, confusion, and more. You, not the ill person, are responsible for your own feelings.

• Inability to talk about your feelings may leave you stuck or "frozen."

You are not alone. Sharing your thoughts and feelings in a support group has been helpful and enlightening for many. Join our Peer Support Meetings at Nipissing Family, the 1st Tuesday of every month. 6:30 to 8:30 p.m (for more information contact April)

Eventually you may see the silver lining in the storm clouds: your own increased awareness, sensitivity, receptivity, compassion, and maturity. You may become less judgmental and self-centered, a better person.


Source: NAMI