Mental Health Week 2010

Hello everyone! Mental Health week is here and Joel and myself plan on attending a few events next week and would love to see you out!

Lets not forget: A solid foundation for mental health starts with:

Positive relationships at work: Supportive relationships in the workplace are important for good mental health.

Good Neighbors: Look across the road or across the hallway. A simple gesture is all it takes to build support with a neighbor. Welcome new comers to the neighbourhood, say hello.

Ties to your community: Joining community groups, clubs and organizations makes you part of something bigger. You will reap the rewards by feeling connected and having a sense of purpose.

Caring Relationships: When we care for others and others care for us we feel valued.



 Here is the agenda for Mental Health Week starting Monday May 3rd. If you have any questions or would like addittional information please call April at 494 4774 x 226. Also, don't forget to R.S.V.P for our Peer Support Appreciation Dinner on Tuesday! See you soon.

~April

MONDAY MAY 3rd

9:00 a.m.: Mental Health Week Launch

Daisy Delivery

11:30-1:00 p.m.:

 B-B-Q

Addictions & Mental

Health Care Centre:

The Nipissing Crisis

Intervention Program,

The Nipissing Detox and

Substance Abuse

Programs, ACTT,

CHOICES, & the Mental

Health Clinic

Invite you to celebrate

Mental Health Week 2010

At the Nipissing Detox and

Substance Abuse Programs,

120 King St. West, North Bay.

For information call: 476-6240

TUESDAY MAY 4th


1-4:30 p.m: Official launch of

No Wrong Door Nipissing.ca & Community Case Response Workshop

Hosted by the Nipissing

District Homelessness

Partnership to address

service gaps and build

partnerships. St. Andrew’s

United Church. For

information call: 474-2151

ext: 3354

5:00-8:00 p.m.: Northeast

Mental Health Centre,

North Bay Campus,

presents “Photovoice:

Flashes of Hope” at the

WKP Kennedy Art Gallery,

North Bay Capitol Centre.

Public invited to attend to

view this photo exhibit. For

information call: 474-1200

ext: 2287

Exhibit continues Wednesday

WEDNESDAY MAY 5th

9:00 a.m.- 4:00 p.m.

Mental Health Caper

Day at the Centre of

Friends, 144 Main Street

East. Members, come in

for a day of pampering,

games and fellowship!
 
THURSDAY MAY 6th


11:30-1:30 p.m.

BBQ hosted by

Nipissing Mental Health

Housing and Support

Services

12:15 Mental Health Week

Recognition Awards

Presentations

Woodward Apartments

520 Worthington St. E.

For Information call:

476-4088 ext: 235

Entertainment by PEP band Freedom

SATURDAY MAY 8th


WALK FOR MENTAL

HEALTH

9 a.m.—12 noon

Registration takes place at

Lee Park starting at 9 a.m.

To pick up a pledge form or

for more Information call

CMHA at 474-1299.

Supporting a Friend or Family Member with a Mental Health Issue

If someone you love is sick, it can be scary. When they are sick with a mental health issue it can be especially scary. It can be hard to see someone you love in pain and it’s confusing when someone you know well is not acting like themselves. You know how you would take care of them if they had a cold or flu; but what do you do when their illness is a mental one? Just like if someone you love develops diabetes, someone with a mental illness needs extra love and support. You may not be able to see the illness, but it doesn’t mean that you’re powerless to help.

How can I help?

Research confirms that support from family and friends is a key part of helping someone who is going through a mental illness. This support provides a network of practical and emotional help. These networks can be made up of parents, children, siblings, spouses or partners, extended families, close friends and others who care about us like neighbours, coworkers, coaches and teachers. Some people have larger networks than others, but most of us have at least a few people who are there for us when we need them.

There are a number of major ways that family and friends can help in someone’s journey of recovery from a mental health issue:
•Knowing when something is wrong—or right: Getting help early is an important part of treating mental illness, and because they spend time with us, family and friends are often the first ones to notice that something is wrong. See “How do I know when to help?” on the next page for signs to watch for. Because finding a treatment that works is often a process of trial and error, family members may also be the first to see signs of improvement.
◦How do I do this? TIP: Learn more about the signs and symptoms of different mental illnesses. Also learn more about how treatments work so that you know what side effects you may see, when to look for improvements and which ones to look for first. A recent review found that when the family is educated about the illness, the rates of relapse in their loved ones were reduced by half in the first year.
•Seeking help: Families and friends can be important advocates to help loved ones get through those hard, early stages of having a mental disorder. They can help their loved one find out what treatment is best for them. They can also be key in letting professionals know what’s going on, filling in parts of the picture that the person who’s ill may not be well enough to describe on their own.
◦How do I do this? TIP: Offering to make those first appointments with a family doctor to find out what’s wrong and/or accompanying the person who’s unwell to the doctor can often be welcome to someone who may not have the energy or concentration to do it all by themselves. If you do accompany the person, work with them to write down any notes or questions either of you have in advance so that you cover all the major points. If they want to do it on their own, show them your support and ask them if there’s anything you could do to help.
◦TIP: You can’t always prevent a mental health crisis from happening. If your loved one needs to go to hospital, try and encourage them to go on their own. If they refuse and are very unwell, you can ensure the person gets treated in an emergency through Ontario's Mental Health Act. 
•Helping with medications, appointments and treatments: Because you spend so much time around your loved ones, you can help them remember to take their medications. You may also be able to help tell a doctor why medications aren’t being taken as they should be. Similarly, you may be involved in reminding your loved one to do their counseling homework or use their light therapy treatment each morning, or to make or keep appointments for treatment.
◦How do I do this? TIP: If you’re noticing that your loved one is having trouble taking their medication, you should mention it to their doctor or pharmacist. They can suggest ways to make pill taking easier. If there are other problems with taking medicine like side effects or other worries, encourage your loved one to write down their concerns and questions and talk to their doctor. If they don’t have a good relationship with their doctor, help them find a new one. If cost is a barrier, learn about BC’s no-charge psychiatric medication coverage called Plan G.
◦TIP: Suggest your loved one keep a symptom journal to track how they feel each day before, during and after treatment as well noting things that trigger more symptoms.
•Supporting a healthy lifestyle: Families can also help with day-to-day factors such as finances, problem solving, housing, nutrition, recreation and exercise, and proper sleeping habits.
◦How do I do this? TIP: See our Wellness Modules at www.heretohelp.bc.ca for practical tips on how to have a healthy lifestyle for both you and your loved one.
◦TIP: Staff at mental health centres in your community may be able to help with life skills training as well as connections to income and housing.
•Providing emotional support: You can play an important role in helping someone who’s not feeling well feel less alone and ashamed. They are not to blame for their illness, but they may feel that they are, or may be getting that message from others. You can help encourage hope.
◦How do I do this? TIP: Try to be as supportive, understanding and patient as possible. See our “Where do I go from here?” section for resources on how to be a good communicator.
◦TIP: Taking care of an ill family member or friend can be stressful. Remember that you need emotional support too. Consider joining a support group for family members of people with mental illness. There you can connect with other people going through the same things and they can help you work through your own emotions. It’s very important to make sure you are taking care of your own mental health as well.

How do I know when to help?

Some signs that a friend or family member may have a mental disorder and could need your help are:
•They suddenly no longer have interest in hobbies and other interests they used to love
•They seem to feel angry or sad for little or no reason
•They don’t seem to enjoy anything anymore
•They have told you about or seem to be hearing strange voices or having unsettling thoughts
•They seem emotionally numb, like they don’t feel anything anymore
•They used to be healthy, but now they’re always
•Saying they feel a bit sick
•They eat a lot more or less than they used to
•Their sleep patterns have changed
•They seem to be anxious or terrified about situations or objects in life that seem normal to you and to others
•They’ve been missing more and more time from work or school
•They’ve been drinking heavily and/or using drugs to cope
•They are talking about taking their life or feeling hopeless
•They are avoiding their close friends and family members

Relapse Prevention

 Relapse prevention describes the process of developing skills to continue health-promoting behaviours and avoiding old patterns of harmful behaviour. Relapse prevention includes a range of goals about making choices to reduce the harmful consequences of substance use.

Stages of Relapse:

1. Something happens
Sometimes referred to as a “trigger,” it can be an event, feeling, situation, or person. It can be anything—good or bad, inside or outside you. A bad day at work, running into an old friend who uses, or achieving a goal and feeling proud and hopeful are all examples of triggering events.
2. You interpret it
The triggering event elicits a core belief that you hold about yourself. This often comes in the form of a message that you say to yourself, consciously or subconsciously. Each person has a unique message, but examples are statements such as “I am a complete failure,” “I don’t deserve success,” or “I deserve to celebrate.”
3. Cravings
Your interpretation leads to cravings. Cravings are the psychological and physical desire to engage in your old, harmful behaviour. (This may be smoking a cigarette, having a drink, going to the casino or any other harmful behaviour you want to avoid).
4. Permission-giving thoughts
Your cravings could lead to ”allowing thoughts” where you give yourself permission to engage in the old behaviour. These thoughts can take many forms. A few examples might be: “I need to smoke a joint to calm down,” “I’ve been exercising pretty well. This weekend I’ll just sit in front of the TV,” “I deserve to treat myself, I’ve had a bad day,” or “I have not been drunk for three months. I’m strong enough to handle going to that party.”
5. Action
At this point in the process you take the steps necessary to engage in the old pattern, or give yourself an excuse for not engaging in your new pattern. Examples could be calling your old dealer, stocking up on beer for the weekend, “dropping in” on a friend you know is always supplied, or inviting a friend over so you cannot make it to your exercise class.
6. Harmful behaviour
You finally engage in the old pattern, such as using a drug you had been abstaining from, getting drunk at a party, or wasting the weekend in front of the TV.

Avoiding Relapse

The most important thing you can do to avoid relapse is to develop a plan so you can achieve your health goals. A significant part of this plan, particularly early in the recovery process, is minimizing your risks for relapse.
Address high-risk situations
Just about anything can create risk of relapse. Areas of highest risk will differ from person to person. The first step in developing your relapse prevention plan is to begin identifying situations or circumstances that hold the highest risk factors for you.
High-risk situations can be internal or external in origin.
Examples of internal risk situations:

• feeling depressed, bored, lonely or tired
• being excited at the end of the day on payday
• feeling proud of an accomplishment achieved

Examples of external risk factors are:

• an argument with your partner
• a call from an old “using” friend
• money stress
• hearing a radio commercial
• a sporting or social event

As you reflect on your own life, it is a good idea to make a list of situations that increase your risk of relapse. Ask yourself these questions:

• What things are most likely to happen in your life?
• What circumstances or events have been associated with your harmful behaviour?

Your risky situation list doesn’t need to be inclusive at this point; listing the first five or 10 that come to mind is a good place to start.
Next you develop a plan for each of your personal risk factors. Your plan should be very specific, and can consist of more than one response to each situation you have identified. Here is an example of how this might look:

• Phone call from Bob: I will state my abstinence commitment, and tell Bob I cannot see him any longer; I will take a clean friend with me and meet Bob for 30 minutes only.
• Feeling depressed: I will go for a 30-minute walk; I will call people on my phone list, until I reach someone to talk to; I will write a list of 10 things that I am grateful for.

Developing a written plan helps you reach your health goals in several ways. It gives you an opportunity to commit your actions in writing to yourself. It allows you to be prepared, thus increasing your sense of control over your own life. It also minimizes the likelihood that you will be caught off-guard, which can be the most dangerous time for a relapse to occur.

Quick tips for relapse prevention: Handle day-to-day feelings and problems as they happen. This way, pressure and stress don’t build up. Keep your life in balance. This reduces stress and helps you find enjoyment again with friends and family, without alcohol or drugs. Try new activities, reward yourself for small successes, and eat nutritious food. Gain support and trust. Family, friends, coworkers and counsellors can help you watch for warning signs, handle stress and support your goals. Identify and plan for high-risk situations. Plan ahead what you will say and do and have several back-up strategies in case one doesn’t work. Realize that the most effective coping strategies will often be the ones you think of yourself, and that they will change over time.

Ways to Support Your Recovery

While relapse prevention work is critical to changing unhealthy behaviours, it is also important to build positive skills and patterns of behaviour that support your healing process. Here are some simple suggestions:

• Healthy eating. If you eat well-balanced, nourishing meals, your body will be better prepared to deal with daily stresses.
• Get enough sleep. Sleep gives your body time to strengthen and rebuild and allows you to be clear-headed and functioning at your best.
• Exercise regularly. Exercise has many health benefits including building strength, increasing stamina, and lowering the risks for many health conditions. Exercise also helps to flush out toxins and increases levels of endorphins, or “feel-good” hormones, both of which are beneficial to relapse prevention.

• Stay connected. It is important to have positive social contacts in your life, both on the phone and in person. Work at building a network of people who support your recovery goals, and include them in your recovery plans.
• Practice meditation or relaxation skills. Stress, anger, frustration or boredom are all potential risk experiences. Relaxation skills are great ways to combat negative feelings.
• Journaling. Writing down your thoughts, experiences and discoveries can be a powerful practice. • Self-monitor. It can be useful at the end of each day to evaluate how you are doing. What went well? What would you have liked to have done differently? What did you accomplish today? What feelings did you experience throughout the day? These kinds of questions can be useful to continue to shape your plan for recovery.
• Understand cravings. It is important to understand that when you experience physical cravings, the chemicals in your brain are involved. These chemicals can change in the same way they do when you use your drug of choice. Therefore, you may feel like you do either right before, or during substance use. It is important to understand this, and to know that these feelings will pass in a short period of time. When you experience cravings, it is most important (as with high-risk situations) that you have a clear plan for response.
• Reward yourself! It is crucial that you recognize the hard work it takes to make changes in your life. You need to honour your efforts. A nice meal out, a new CD, a bubble bath or an hour at your favorite hobby are examples of rewards you can provide for yourself.
• Keep slips in perspective. If you do succumb to old patterns, make the most of this experience. While it is important to recognize the serious impact this can have on your recovery, it can be used as a valuable opportunity to evaluate where you may not have planned or acted carefully enough. You can use this experience to strengthen your recovery, if you choose to do so.

In case of relapse, remember:

• swift admission of relapse should be looked upon with respect
• relapse indicates a need for stepped-up support and possibly increased intensity of treatment
• relapse always indicates a need to review and revise the relapse prevention plan to see what triggers, warning signs, and key people were missed

 

How to Help People Recovering from Psychosis: What Family and Friends Need to Know

"My daughter didn't know at first what she needed, but she did need us. It took some time, but now her good days are the norm rather than the exception."

What to Expect

When your family member comes home from the hospital, many of their symptoms may be reduced or gone, but some may remain. You can help them recover by maintaining a calm, positive environment for them, and by educating yourself on their illness.

It is quite normal for a person who has just experienced psychosis to:

• Sleep much more than usual.
• Need to have a lot of quiet, alone time.
• Be slower and not feel able to do much.

Slowing down and resting is part of allowing the brain to heal. Each person will recover at their own pace, and it could take up to a year of this type of rest for someone to recover. It is a good idea to gently encourage the person to do simple chores, hang out with family or go out to do activities they used to like when they feel up to it.

Your relative may seem emotionally distant during this time as well. This is part of the illness as well, and is not about their relationship with you. When around people, they may be very quiet and just sit and watch, which is quite normal.

Identifying Relapse Triggers

It is useful to think back on the signs your family member showed when they were becoming ill. Often, but not always, they will show similar signs if they are heading into a relapse or are under too much stress. Your relative may have signs that are particular to them. The following are some common warning signs:

hallucinations / voices, suspiciousness, disorganized thoughts, speech that doesn't make sense, difficulty concentrating, bizarre behaviour, a belief they have special powers or feeling rested after almost no sleep for several days. Changes in sleeping habits, anxiety, agitation, depression, difficulties concentrating, isolating, and irritability may be signs of a relapse or they may be signs the person is under too much stress.

Supporting Health

• Calm, quiet environment.
• Gentle encouragement.
• Let the person recover at their own pace.
• Keep healthy foods around.
• Provide encouragement if the person needs help with daily chores and personal care.
• Give them their space to have quiet, rest and calm while they recover.
  
  For more information go to: www.heretohelp.ca

Bipolar disorder, a brain disorder characterized by extreme swings in moods, is a puzzling illness that not only affects the individual but their family and friends as well.

Living with a person who has bipolar disorder involves learning how to deal with the disruptions that symptoms can create, supporting the person through their recovery, and finding ways to cope with the effects on the family. Bipolar disorder can place a heavy strain on families. Depending on the nature of an individual’s illness and how well the illness is managed, the family can be affected in a variety of ways. When mood swings are mild, the family may experience some forms of distress but, over time and with education about mental illness, they can learn live with the demands of the illness.

Caring for someone with bipolar disorder can place heavy burdens on the family, particularly if they are not equipped with the knowledge and skills needed to cope with mental illness. It can be exhausting, especially for families with young children.

When bipolar disorder is not properly controlled with medical treatment, the family may experience

 

• Emotional distress such as guilt, grief, and worry
• Disruption in regular routines
• Having to deal with bizarre or reckless behaviour
• Financial stresses as a result of reduced income or spending sprees
• Strained marital or family relationships
• Changes in family roles
• Difficulty in maintaining relationships outside the family
• Health problems as a result of stress
  
  

  Family members experience various emotions as they learn to come to terms with having someone who has bipolar disorder. There is no right or wrong ways to feel. What is important is how you handle these emotions.

• At first, families may feel guilt, thinking that they somehow caused the person to become ill. Young children are particularly vulnerable to thinking they somehow caused their parent to become ill. Every member of the family needs to understand that no one can cause a person to develop bipolar disorder; it is a medical illness.
• As with all serious illness, families will likely feel sorrow and grief. This is a natural reaction. We care about our family members and want them to be healthy and happy. Families sometimes feel they have lost the person they knew. However, mental illness such as bipolar disorder does not mean that the person cannot live a successful, happy life. What it means is that the individual and their family now have a new challenge they must face in life. With proper treatment and illness management, there is hope.
• Families also worry about their loved one, as a manic episode can cause a person to behave in a reckless manner or make unwise decisions. One way to help alleviate this worry is to develop a plan to as to how the family will manage difficult times. When your family member is well, sit down and talk about how things will be handled in the event they become unwell. Developing a crisis plan can help to ensure that everyone knows what to expect should the person become unwell again.
  

  When my wife is in a manic state, I worry constantly about what might happen.

• Children may fear that they will inherit the illness. Older children may fear that they may have to manage the care of their ill sibling as well as manage their own lives when their parents can no longer do the job. In any event, families need to learn to manage anxiety and to lead as fulfilling lives as possible.
• Disruption in routines may arise as a result of either manic or depressive episodes. Normal activities and chores may have to be set aside and left to be attended to on a later date when the episode subsides. Re-establishing a routine as soon as possible is important for staying well and reducing stress on all family members.
• Family roles can also be affected by bipolar disorder. Children may be forced to take on an adult role when their parent becomes ill; spouses may feel they can no longer rely on their partner to fulfill their share of household and family responsibilities.
  

  I can cope as long as I know she's getting better. I can't give up hope.

• Financial difficulties, home and family neglect, constant tension and fear of symptoms returning can strain marital and family relationships. Symptoms such as irritability and poor judgement can lead to increased arguments and confrontations.
• Families may find their social network starts shrinking in size. Friends and extended family may feel awkward about what to say or how to help the family. While not everyone in the family social network will be supportive, it is important to seek out those who are, as they are a valuable source of support. Going to a support group is another way to help reduce the sense of isolation a family often faces. Families report that having people to talk to helps them to better cope with the illness.

 Bipolar disorder is a mental disorder that can have periods of wellness between episodes.

 

Families often breathe a sigh of relief when symptoms are stabilized, but it is important to support the family member to continue with their medical treatment as well as watching for any signs of possible relapse. Early intervention can often ward off a full-blown relapse. With today’s modern day treatments, there is considerable hope for individuals and many, in spite of having a mental illness, go on to be very successful in their lives. Believing in your family member’s recovery can make a big difference. The stress and emotional burdens of bipolar disorder can take their toll on families. Families caring for a person who has an ongoing mental illness are more susceptible to health related problems. Learning how to take care of yourself is a priority for anyone who is providing support to a person with bipolar disorder.

 Education and support can greatly aid families who have a relative with bipolar disorder.

Coping with Grief and Loss

Support for Grieving and Bereavement

Losing someone or something you love is very painful. After a significant loss, you may experience all kinds of difficult and surprising emotions, such as shock, anger, and guilt. Sometimes it may feel like the sadness will never let up. While these feelings can be frightening and overwhelming, they are normal reactions to loss. Accepting them as part of the grieving process and allowing yourself to feel what you feel is necessary for healing.


There is no right or wrong way to grieve — but there are healthy ways to cope with the pain. You can get through it! Grief that is expressed and experienced has a potential for healing that eventually can strengthen and enrich life.


What is grief?


Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. You may associate grief with the death of a loved one – and this type of loss does often cause the most intense grief. But any loss can cause grief, including:


• A relationship breakup


• Loss of health


• Losing a job


• Loss of financial stability


• A miscarriage • Death of a pet


• Loss of a cherished dream


• A loved one’s serious physical or mental illness


• Loss of a friendship


• Loss of safety after a trauma


The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief. However, even subtle losses can lead to grief. For example, you might experience grief after moving away from home, graduating from college, changing jobs, selling your family home, or retiring from a career you loved.


Everyone grieves differently


Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried – and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.


Myths and Facts About Grief


MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.


Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.


MYTH: It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.


Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.


MYTH: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.


Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.


MYTH: Grief should last about a year.


Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.


Are there stages of grief?


In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a break-up.


The five stages of grief:


• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”


• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”


• Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”


• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”


• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”


If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you’ll heal in time. However, not everyone who is grieving goes through all of these stages – and that’s okay. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of these stages. And if you do go through these stages of grief, you probably won’t experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don’t worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you’re supposed to be in.


Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. In her last book before her death in 2004, she said of the five stages of grief, “They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”


Grief is a roller coaster, not a series of stages


It is best not to think of grief as a series of stages. Rather, we might think of the grieving process as a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, highs and lows. Like many roller coasters, the ride tends to be rougher in the beginning, the lows may be deeper and longer. The difficult periods should become less intense and shorter as time goes by, but it takes time to work through a loss. Even years after a loss, especially at special events such as a family wedding or the birth of a child, we may still experience a strong sense of grief.


Common symptoms of grief


While loss affects people in different ways, many people experience the following symptoms when they’re grieving. Just remember that almost anything that you experience in the early stages of grief is normal – including feeling like you’re going crazy, feeling like you’re in a bad dream, or questioning your religious beliefs.


• Shock and disbelief – Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If someone you love has died, you may keep expecting them to show up, even though you know they’re gone.


• Sadness – Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.


• Guilt – You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (e.g. feeling relieved when the person died after a long, difficult illness). After a death, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the death, even if there was nothing more you could have done.


• Anger – Even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry at yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.


• Fear – A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.


• Physical symptoms – We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical problems, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, and insomnia.


Coping with grief and loss tip 1: Get support


The single most important factor in healing from loss is having the support of other people. Even if you aren’t comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it’s important to express them when you’re grieving. Sharing your loss makes the burden of grief easier to carry. Wherever the support comes from, accept it and do not grieve alone. Connecting to others will help you heal.


Finding support after a loss


• Turn to friends and family members – Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Draw loved ones close, rather than avoiding them, and accept the assistance that’s offered. Oftentimes, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need – whether it’s a shoulder to cry on or help with funeral arrangements.


• Draw comfort from your faith – If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you – such as praying, meditating, or going to church – can offer solace. If you’re questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.


• Join a support group – Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help. To find a bereavement support group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers.


• Talk to a therapist or grief counselor – If your grief feels like too much to bear, call a mental health professional with experience in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.


Coping with grief and loss tip 2: Take care of yourself


When you’re grieving, it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time.


• Face your feelings. You can try to suppress your grief, but you can’t avoid it forever. In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.


• Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Write about your loss in a journal. If you’ve lost a loved one, write a letter saying the things you never got to say; make a scrapbook or photo album celebrating the person’s life; or get involved in a cause or organization that was important to him or her.


• Look after your physical health. The mind and body are connected. When you feel good physically, you’ll also feel better emotionally. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising. Don’t use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially.


• Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It’s okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready.


• Plan ahead for grief “triggers”. Anniversaries, holidays, and milestones can reawaken memories and feelings. Be prepared for an emotional wallop, and know that it’s completely normal. If you’re sharing a holiday or lifecycle event with other relatives, talk to them ahead of time about their expectations and agree on strategies to honor the person you loved.


When grief doesn’t go away


It’s normal to feel sad, numb, or angry following a loss. But as time passes, these emotions should become less intense as you accept the loss and start to move forward. If you aren’t feeling better over time, or your grief is getting worse, it may be a sign that your grief has developed into a more serious problem, such as complicated grief or major depression.


Complicated grief


The sadness of losing someone you love never goes away completely, but it shouldn’t remain center stage. If the pain of the loss is so constant and severe that it keeps you from resuming your life, you may be suffering from a condition known as complicated grief. Complicated grief is like being stuck in an intense state of mourning. You may have trouble accepting the death long after it has occurred or be so preoccupied with the person who died that it disrupts your daily routine and undermines your other relationships.


Symptoms of complicated grief include:


• Intense longing and yearning for the deceased


• Intrusive thoughts or images of your loved one


• Denial of the death or sense of disbelief


• Imagining that your loved one is alive • Searching for the person in familiar places


• Avoiding things that remind you of your loved one


• Extreme anger or bitterness over the loss


• Feeling that life is empty or meaningless


The difference between grief and depression


Distinguishing between grief and clinical depression isn’t always easy, since they share many symptoms. However, there are ways to tell the difference. Remember, grief is a roller coaster. It involves a wide variety of emotions and a mix of good and bad days. Even when you’re in the middle of the grieving process, you will have moments of pleasure or happiness. With depression, on the other hand, the feelings of emptiness and despair are constant.


Other symptoms that suggest depression, not just grief:


• Intense, pervasive sense of guilt.


• Thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with dying.


• Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness. • Slow speech and body movements


• Inability to function at work, home, and/or school.


• Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there.


Can antidepressants help grief?


As a general rule, normal grief does not warrant the use of antidepressants. While medication may relieve some of the symptoms of grief, it cannot treat the cause, which is the loss itself. Furthermore, by numbing the pain that must be worked through eventually, antidepressants delay the mourning process.


When to seek professional help for grief


If you recognize any of the above symptoms of complicated grief or clinical depression, talk to a mental health professional right away. Left untreated, complicated grief and depression can lead to significant emotional damage, life-threatening health problems, and even suicide. But treatment can help you get better.


Contact a grief counselor or professional therapist if you:


• Feel like life isn’t worth living


• Wish you had died with your loved one


• Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it


• Feel numb and disconnected from others for more than a few weeks


• Are having difficulty trusting others since your loss


• Are unable to perform your normal daily activities

Chakras for Beginners

Seven main chakras and their placement along the spine

Chakras are energy centers that run from the base of your spine out the top, or crown, of your head. The word chakra is a Sanskrit word, meaning wheel or disc. There are seven major chakras, each a circular wheel of light spinning in your energetic system, associated with certain body parts, a color, stone, element, and function. By learning to tune into the energy of your chakras, you can begin to embrace the fullness of who you truly are.

Muladhara, or Root, Chakra

This deep red chakra grounds and connects us to the earth. When our root chakra is open, we feel a sense of belonging. We deserve to be here and to be happy. This chakra focuses on our needs. Basic needs like food, shelter, and water are necessary in order for this chakra to feel balanced. Beyond that, we can use food (both “real” food and all of the things that feed us that don’t come on our plate) in our lives to help us feel more present in our bodies.

Stones: Ruby, Bloodstone, Hematite

Element: Earth

Body Part(s): Adrenal Glands, associated with survival (fight or flight) instincts

Svadhisthana, or Sacral, Chakra

This calming orange wheel goes round in our lower abdomen, right below the navel. This chakra is associated with health, pleasure, feelings, and sexuality. When the sacral chakra is balanced, e feel abundant, we know that we are deserving of pleasure in all areas of our lives. It is this chakra that helps us feel free to let our emotions flow through our lives, taking them as they come and knowing that they will pass, knowing that just as emotions are fluid, so is life. When we are able to find ways to accept and express our emotions, then we are able to keep our emotional, as well as physical, bodies healthy.

Stones: Carnelian, Tiger’s Eye, Onyx

Element: Water

Body Part(s): Testicles, Ovaries, in charge of sexual development

Manipura, or Solar Plexus, Chakra

This bright yellow ball of fire heats up our personal sense of power. Located at the solar plexus, this chakra helps to center us. It is our power center where we develop our autonomy and sense of self. When this chakra is open, we feel worthy of all that life has to offer us. We realize the power we possess to create the life of our dreams is already alive inside of us. When we harness the energy of the solar plexus chakra, we find the strength to conquer our dreams and goals.

Stones: Topaz, Citrine, Amber

Element: Fire

Body Part(s): Pancreas, controls digestion

Anahata, or Heart, Chakra

Our heart center creates balance in our lives. When we move into our heart chakra, we feel love and compassion toward ourselves. Once we have learned to be kind to ourselves, then we are able to extend that kindness to others. The heart chakra allows us to live our lives from an understanding, considerate, and peaceful place. It connects us to others, our surroundings, and the universe. When we tap into our heart chakra, love radiates around us and out into the world.

Stones: Rose Quartz, Diamond, Peridot

Element: Air

Body Part(s): Thymus, helps build immune system

Visuddha, or Throat, Chakra

The blue of this energy center spins its truth in our throat, helping us to be authentic in the way we live our lives. The throat chakra is where we communicate, where we are able to openly share our life perspective. Part of speaking truthfully involves carefully considering our words and the effect they will have once they have been spoken, causing us to consciously choose what we say to others. This, however, does not mean that we bottle our words up inside. It means that we try to look at all perspectives and find a respectful way to present our voice. Be clear, ask for what you want.

Stones: Turquoise, Blue Agate, Aquamarine

Element: Sound

Body Part(s): Thyroid, controls metabolism

Ajna, or Third Eye, Chakra

The violet light of this chakra makes its mark on our forehead, between the eyebrows and slightly above. This is where we see, where our inner eye lives. When we have an important decision to make or are feeling uncertain in our lives, it helps to focus on the third eye and to seek guidance. Everything we need to know is inside of us. Each one of us has all of the answers to all of the questions that we ask. What we need to do is slow down, take some time out, listen and trust in our own wisdom.

Stones: Sapphire, Tanzanite, Lapis Lazuli

Element: Light

Body Part(s): Pituitary Gland, influences growth and hormones

Sahasrara, or Crown, Chakra

Bright white light glows at the top of our head, radiating upward, reaching its rays out into the world beyond us. When we are grounded in our bodies, we are able to accept the ever-changing world that moves around us. Once we have accepted that change, we can work on building a strong sense of self, knowing that we deserve to fulfill our dreams. Having learned to love ourselves, we can then let that love move beyond the boundaries of our self and enter into our interactions with others. When we know how to love ourselves and others, then we are able to speak our truth from a place of integrity and respect for all involved in the conversation. When we are able to openly be honest, we can then go inside and listen quietly to our inner voice, which guides us. Going inside, we discover that though it often seems we are alone in this journey of life, we are really connected to everything. The white light radiates out from our crown and blends into the rest of the light that flows from all other beings. We are all one.

Stones: Amathyst, Alexandrite

Element: Thought

Body Part(s): Pineal Gland, regulates natural body rhythms