Wednesday, January 12, 2011

January's Art Therapy ~ Water Colour at Nipissing Family
Tuesday, January 25th 5:00-7:00 p.m.

Join us for a relaxing evening of Art Therapy where you will be introduced to the very basics of water colour painting. Please note that no artistic skill is required to have fun!
Please R.S.V.P with April Raftis to reserve your seat and materials by January 20th, 2011 at 494 4774 x226


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Happy 2011 Nipissing Family!!

Loving someone with a mental illness can really challenge us to find every ounce of compassion that we have – often it is given to them.

Today I would like to ask you to gather up some more compassion, find a quiet corner and really acknowledge yourself for the amazing accomplishments and challenges you have faced this year.

It is always so easy to focus on what we didn’t do or the things we said but never meant to.

Now, let’s take a look at ourselves during 2010 in a compassionate way.

Accomplishments

Give this some thought – you may have had a difficult conversation that you didn’t really want to have, set a new boundary or said the unspeakable or did the unthinkable. Write it down.

What did you accomplish this year?



What was your most surprising accomplishment?



What gave you that boost to do it?



What worked really well?



How did you reward yourself?


Let’s talk about rewards for a second. They are so important – share what you have done. Celebrate it in a big way or small way and if you haven’t done so – do it today. It can be just the stuff that helps you keep going during the tougher times.
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Challenges

Oh yeah – when you love someone with mental illness there are lots of these. Sometimes it’s external to you – their behavior or the finances. Other times it’s internal like isolating yourself or feeling overwhelmed because you’re just so darn sick of it all. Sometimes it’s a combination of both.

What were your biggest external challenges this year? Would it be a good idea to have an action plan in case the same type of things happen again?

What were your biggest internal challenges? Do you know what triggers them?

Can you set up a system to give you an early cue and a plan to acknowledge and tame the gremlins quicker?
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Moving Forward in 2011

Look some things were really good from last year and other things – well we can learn something from them – even when it’s really hard.

Looking over the accomplishments what do you really want to focus on this year to make life even better? Give yourself some of the compassion that you give to your ill loved one.


Compassionately look over your challenges. How could you kindly help yourself in these areas?


What support would you like to make it easier for you?


Let us know- we admire and support all those who love someone with a mental illness. Wishing you all a happy and healthy 2011!

http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?l=9r_FB&m=J4iWt2N66R4ztl&b=4iwGjDgHqI09komO_QCyig

~April

Monday, December 20, 2010

Happy Holidays

from
Wishing you a joy filled

holiday season with

your dearest friends and family!



Hope to see you in the New Year. Our next

monthly peer support meeting is

Tuesday, January 4th from 5:00 – 7:00 p.m.



Please call April if you have any questions

regarding 2011 family programming 494 4774 x 226



All the best in 2011,

Joel & April


It’s The Holidays, Again


The time from Thanksgiving until New Year’s Day is probably the most stressful period of the year. Expectations are high; reality is low. The pressure to perform has become so great that many people are opting out.

Probably most stressful are the expected family gatherings. These events can be hard. Let’s be honest, do we really know all those cousins that we only see once a year? And, again being honest, do we sometimes just want to skip the whole affair?

If it’s tough for us, imagine for a moment what it must be like for our ill loved one. Strangers milling around, hugs and kisses from those strangers, and noise everywhere. Some of our loved ones just can’t handle so much input at once.

Then there’s the lack of understanding. Distant relatives often don’t understand what mental illness is. A holiday party is usually not the place to try and explain what it means for our son, daughter, brother, or sister to hear voices or to have unusual fears of people. Even the famous Monk has a hard time explaining to those closest to him why he must touch every parking meter.

One way you can help your loved one is by not forcing attendance at these events. At the last minute, our son decided not to attend the family Thanksgiving dinner at his brother’s house. He said that he just couldn’t “deal with it.” So be it. He was more comfortable, and there was no holiday incident.

Allow your loved one to leave anytime during the party. Maybe a short visit with everyone will be o.k., but to sit down at the table with 20 strangers may be just too much to ask for.

Sometimes our loved one wants to be part of the preparation, but not part of the main event. This is a good way to be a part of the celebration without having the stress of the family gathering or high expectations of the day.

Remember your loved one’s mental well-being is more important than a possible offense to a third cousin.

Expectations

Holidays are hard. Crowded schedules, family expectations, self expectations, and physical and emotional drain.

For our loved ones who suffer with brain disorders that cause emotional distress, all the stress of the holidays is even worse. While we are planning joyous celebrations, our ill family member may be just trying to deal with the daily struggles of the illness.

One of the definitions of struggle is “make great physical effort.” It is great effort for someone suffering with a mental illness. Trying to maintain a sense of normalcy is hard. Often they give up because the struggle is too hard.

Unwittingly we have expectations for our loved ones during the holidays. This year, maybe this year, nothing will happen. Maybe this year, there won’t be an “incident.” Maybe this year, everyone will enjoy the holiday gathering. Maybe this year, it will be a Hallmark® holiday.

Expectations from extended family can even be higher. Those who aren’t with our loved one all year don’t understand the struggle. Often they are overcome by the stigma of mental illness. Or, they fall victim to misinformation.

Whatever your holiday celebration, it can be anything but holly, jolly. During this month, I’ll be sharing some tips to help you and help our loved one survive the struggle of the holidays.

Take care of yourself

With so much to do and so much on your mind, you can forget about yourself. After all self-care isn’t on your to-do list. And, for too many of us – especially moms – self care seems, well, selfish.

Even if the gang isn’t coming to your house, you are making plans just the same. Part of those plans may be helping your ill loved one, navigate the stress of holidays with no relapse. But, if you are walking a tightrope with your own physical and emotional needs, you can’t reach out and help someone else without risking both of you falling.

Here are some ideas to care for yourself, so you can care for your loved one. And, both of you can enjoy friends and family during the holiday season.

1. Get plenty of rest.

Even if you have overnight guests, don’t feel like you have to stay up all night. Having guests is hard work. Get some rest so you can enjoy the visit; rather than looking forward to the day they leave.

You can’t make it through that to-do list if you don’t have the energy to do so.

No one appreciates a tired, crabby you.

2. Cut down that to-do list

Determine what is essential and important. Everything else goes to the hope list. (I hope we have time for this, but if not we’ll enjoy Christmas anyway.)

To cut down the list: 1) Put it in order of priority. What is important to you and your family? 2) Draw a line in the middle of the list. 3) Cross off everything in the bottom half of the list. Transfer those items to your hope list if you’d like.

Look at what’s left. Decide what you must do, and what others can do. Your ill family member may want to be involved with some of the holiday task and traditions. This is one way to be involved without having to meet other’s expectations.

3. Watch your diet.

Be careful with all the holiday treats – candy, pies, cookies. Just the over indulgence in this area can make you physically tired and have less energy to cope.

Don’t over eat at the wonderful holiday dinner. Limit portions and slowly enjoy what’s on your plate.

Limit alcohol intake. Go ahead; toast the New Year with a glass of wine. After that drink non-alcoholic beverages. Alcohol can dehydrate your system, deplete other nutrients, and you’ll feel worse and have less energy.

http://family-4-family.com/holiday-survival/
TORONTO, Dec. 6 /CNW/ - A campaign to help psychiatric patients over the holidays got a big boost this weekend with a mention in a Huffington Post column on great gift-giving ideas.


HuffPost columnist Julia Moulden, author of The New Radicals, puts together an annual list of gifts to "stir the hearts, minds, and souls of the ones you love" - and this year she included CAMH Foundation's Gifts of Light campaign to engage the city in donating gifts to 1,000 patients in treatment over the holidays.

"My head hurts just thinking about the number of people in treatment who don't get visits - or gifts - at this time of year," says Moulden, whose work explores the ways people can make a difference. Her new book, RIPE: Rich, Rewarding Work After 50, is due out in January. "I'm thrilled to learn that there's a practical way we can help."

Now in its third year, Gifts of Light was launched by the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) Foundation to encourage the public to send practical and meaningful gifts to patients during the holidays. Because of the stigma surrounding mental illness and addiction, many patients receive few visits, cards or gifts from their loved ones, which makes the holidays especially difficult and isolating.

And with the holiday season now in full swing, Torontonians are responding generously.

Last year, 600 Gifts of Light were distributed to every CAMH inpatient. This year's campaign has been expanded to include some patients undergoing outpatient treatment and more than $65,000 has been raised with a month remaining before the December 31 deadline.

"Everyone has the power to make a positive difference in someone else's life. Sending a Gift of Light is about telling a CAMH patient that you're thinking about them this holiday and that you're supporting them on their road to recovery," said Valerie Pringle, broadcaster and Gifts of Light ambassador.

Nancy Lockhart, Chief Administrative Officer with The Frum Development Group and a member of the CAMH Foundation Board of Directors, understands the devastating impact of losing a loved one due to mental illness:

"Mental illness and addiction has no boundaries. It can affect anyone and at any point in a person's lifetime. Through programs like Gifts of Light, we can encourage frank and open discussions about mental illness and addiction and the importance of supporting individuals during a very difficult period in their lives," said Lockhart, who made a generous donation towards this year's campaign.

Among the items - priced from $10 upward - in this year's Gifts of Light catalogue:

Cozy and warm pyjamas and robes for inpatients

Educational grants to support a patient's educational pursuits

Healthy breakfasts for patients receiving outpatient treatments

Family supports (e.g. public transit fare, child care) to enable family members to participate in treatment.

Every donor who purchases a Gift of Light item before December 10 receives a special card to send to their loved one, explaining how their gift has made a meaningful difference to a CAMH patient. The deadline to purchase a Gift of Light is December 31, 2010

Monday, December 6, 2010

Christmas Traditions


When was the first Christmas card sent? Why do we kiss under the mistletoe? Learn the origins of Christmas and fun facts about some of our favorite christmas traditions and symbols.
There are lots of Christmas traditions that are practiced by a number of countries all over the world during the holiday season. These traditions can be as diverse as the culture and religious practices of each and every country in the world.

Origins of Christmas

From the Old English 'Cristes Mæsse' ~ meaning the 'mass of Christ' ~ the story of Christmas begins with the birth of a babe in Bethlehem.

It is believed that Christ was born on the 25th, although the exact month is unknown. December was likely chosen so the Catholic Church could compete with rival pagan rituals held at that time of year and because of its closeness with the winter solstice in the Northern hemisphere, a traditional time of celebration among many ancient cultures.

Luke, Chapter Two

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, "Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger." And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men."

Santa Claus

The origin of Santa Claus begins in the 4th century with Saint Nicholas, Bishop of Myra, an area in present day Turkey. By all accounts St. Nicholas was a generous man, particularly devoted to children. After his death around 340 A.D. he was buried in Myra, but in 1087 Italian sailors purportedly stole his remains and removed them to Bari, Italy, greatly increasing St. Nicholas' popularity throughout Europe.

His kindness and reputation for generosity gave rise to claims he that he could perform miracles and devotion to him increased. St. Nicholas became the patron saint of Russia, where he was known by his red cape, flowing white beard, and bishop's mitre.

In Greece, he is the patron saint of sailors, in France he was the patron of lawyers, and in Belgium the patron of children and travellers. Thousands of churches across Europe were dedicated to him and some time around the 12th century an official church holiday was created in his honor. The Feast of St. Nicholas was celebrated December 6 and the day was marked by gift-giving and charity.

After the Reformation, European followers of St. Nicholas dwindled, but the legend was kept alive in Holland where the Dutch spelling of his name Sint Nikolaas was eventually transformed to Sinterklaas. Dutch children would leave their wooden shoes by the fireplace, and Sinterklaas would reward good children by placing treats in their shoes. Dutch colonists brought brought this tradition with them to America in the 17th century and here the Anglican name of Santa Claus emerged.

In 1822 Clement C. Moore composed the poem A Visit From Saint Nicholas, published as The Night Before Christmas as a gift for his children. In it, he portrays Santa Claus:

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly,

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

Other countries feature different gift-bearers for the Christmas or Advent season: La Befana in Italy ~ The Three Kings in Spain, Puerto Rico, and Mexico ~ Christkindl or the Christ Child in Switzerland and Austria ~ Father Christmas in England ~ and Pere Noël, Father Christmas or the Christ Child in France. Still, the figure of Santa Claus as a jolly, benevolent, plump man in a red suit described in Moore's poem remains with us today and is recognized by children and adults alike around the world.

Christmas Trees

In 16th-century Germany fir trees were decorated, both indoors and out, with apples, roses, gilded candies, and colored paper. In the Middle Ages, a popular religous play depicted the story of Adam and Eve's expulsion from the Garden of Eden.

A fir tree hung with apples was used to symbolize the Garden of Eden -- the Paradise Tree. The play ended with the prophecy of a saviour coming, and so was often performed during the Advent season.

It is held that Protestant reformer Martin Luther first adorned trees with light. While coming home one December evening, the beauty of the stars shining through the branches of a fir inspired him to recreate the effect by placing candles on the branches of a small fir tree inside his home

The Christmas Tree was brought to England by Queen Victoria's husband, Prince Albert from his native Germany. The famous Illustrated News etching in 1848, featuring the Royal Family of Victoria, Albert and their children gathered around a Christmas tree in Windsor Castle, popularized the tree throughout Victorian England. Brought to America by the Pennsylvania Germans, the Christmas tree became by the late 19th century.
Christmas Stockings
According to legend, a kindly nobleman grew despondent over the death of his beloved wife and foolishly squandered his fortune. This left his three young daughters without dowries and thus facing a life of spinsterhood.

The generous St. Nicholas, hearing of the girls' plight, set forth to help. Wishing to remain anonymous, he rode his white horse by the nobleman's house and threw three small pouches of gold coins down the chimney where they were fortuitously captured by the stockings the young women had hung by the fireplace to dry. Read more about christmas stockings.
Mistletoe

Mistletoe was used by Druid priests 200 years before the birth of Christ in their winter celebrations. They revered the plant since it had no roots yet remained green during the cold months of winter.

The ancient Celtics believed mistletoe to have magical healing powers and used it as an antidote for poison, infertility, and to ward of evil spirits. The plant was also seen as a symbol of peace, and it is said that among Romans, enemies who met under mistletoe would lay down their weapons and embrace.
Scandanavians associated the plant with Frigga, their goddess of love, and it may be from this that we derive the custom of kissing under the mistletoe. Those who kissed under the mistletoe had the promise of happiness and good luck in the following year.
Holly, Ivy and Greenery

In Northern Europe Christmas occurred during the middle of winter, when ghosts and demons could be heard howling in the winter winds. Boughs of holly, believed to have magical powers since they remained green through the harsh winter, were often placed over the doors of homes to drive evil away. Greenery was also brought indoors to freshen the air and brighten the mood during the long, dreary winter.
Legend also has it that holly sprang from the footsteps of Christ as he walked the earth. The pointed leaves were said to represent the crown of thorns Christ wore while on the cross and the red berries symbolized the blood he shed.
Poinsettias
A native Mexican plant, poinsettias were named after Joel R. Poinsett, U.S. ambassador to Mexico who brought the plant to America in 1828. Poinsettias were likely used by Mexican Franciscans in their 17th century Christmas celebrations. One legend has it that a young Mexican boy, on his way to visit the village Nativity scene, realized he had no gift for the Christ child. He gathered pretty green branches from along the road and brought them to the church. Though the other children mocked him, when the leaves were laid at the manger, a beautiful star-shaped flower appeared on each branch. The bright red petals, often mistaken for flowers, are actually the upper leaves of the plant.
The Candy cane
It was not long after Europeans began using Christmas trees that special decorations were used to adorn them. Food items, such as candies and cookies, were used predominately and straight white candy sticks were one of the confections used as ornamentation. Legend has it that during the 17th century, craftsmen created the white sticks of candy in the shape of shephreds' crooks at the suggestion of the choirmaster at the Cologne Cathedral in Germany.
The candy treats were given to children to keep them quiet during ceremonies at the living creche, or Nativity scene, and the custom of passing out the candy crooks at such ceremonies soon spread throughout Europe.
According to the National Confectioner's Association, in 1847 German immigrant August Imgard used the candy cane to decorate a Christmas tree in Wooster, Ohio. More than 50 years later, Bob McCormack of Albany, Georgia supposedly made candy canes as treats for family, friends and local shopkeepers. McCormack's brother-in-law, Catholic priest Gregory Keller, invented a machine in the 1950s that automated the production of candy canes, thus eliminating the usual laborious process of creating the treats and the popularity of the candy cane grew.
More recent explanations of the candy cane's symbolism hold that the color white represents Christ's purity, the red the blood he shed, and the presence of three red stripes the Holy Trinity. While factual evidence for these notions does not exist, they have become increasingly common and at times are even represented as fact. Regardless, the candy cane remains a favorite holiday treat and decoration.
Christmas cards
A form of Christmas card began in England first when young boys practiced their writing skills by creating Christmas greetings for their parents, but it is Sir Henry Cole who is credited with creating the first real Christmas card. The first director of London's Victoria and Albert Museum, Sir Henry found himself too busy in the Christmas season of 1843 to compose individual Christmas greetings for his friends.
He commissioned artist John Calcott Horsley for the illustration. The card featured three panels, with the center panel depicting a family enjoying Christmas festivities and the card was inscribed with the message "A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to You."

Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer

The Chicago-based Montgomery Ward company, department store operators, had been purchasing and distributing children's coloring books as Christmas gifts for their customers for several years. In 1939, Montgomery Ward tapped one of their own employees to create a book for them, thus saving money. 34-year old copywriter Robert L. May wrote the story of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer in 1939, and 2.4 million copies were handed out that year. Despite the wartime paper shortage, over 6 million copies had been distributed by 1946.

May drew in part on the story "The Ugly Duckling" and in part from his own experiences as an often taunted, small, frail youth to create the story of the misfit reindeer. Though Rollo and Reginald were considered, May settled on Rudolph as his reindeer's name.

Writing in verse as a series of rhyming couplets, May tested the story as he went along on his 4-year old daughter Barbara, who loved the story

Sadly, Robert Mays wife died around the time he was creating Rudolph, leaving Mays deeply in debt due to medical bills. However, he was able to persuade Sewell Avery, Montgomery Ward's corporate president, to turn the copyright over to him in January 1947, thus ensuring May's financial security.

May's story "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was printed commercially in 1947 and in 1948 a nine-minute cartoon of the story was shown in theaters. When May's brother-in-law, songwriter Johnny Marks, wrote the lyrics and melody for the song "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", the Rudolph phenomenon was born. Turned down by many musical artists afraid to contend with the legend of Santa Claus, the song was recorded by Gene Autry in 1949 at the urging of Autry's wife. The song sold two million copies that year, going on to become one of the best-selling songs of all time, second only to Bing Crosby's "White Christmas". The 1964 television special about Rudolph, narrated by Burl Ives, remains a holiday favorite to this day and Rudolph himself has become a much-loved Christmas icon.

Hanukkah

Commencing on the 25th day of the Hebrew month Kislev, Hanukkah is a Jewish holiday commemorating the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem after its desecration by the Syrians.

In 168 BC, members of the Jewish family Maccabee led a revolt against the Greek Syrians due to the policies of Syrian King Antiochus IV which were aimed at nullifying the Jewish faith. Part of this strategem included changing the Beit HaMikdash - the Holy Temple in Jerusalem - to a Greek temple complete with idolatry. Led by Judah Maccabee, the Jews won victory over the Syrians in 165 BC and reclaimed their temple.

After cleansing the temple and preparing for its rededication, it was found there was not enough oil to light the N'er Tamid, an oil lamp present in Jewish houses of worship which represents eternal light. Once lit, the lamp should never be extinguished.

A search of the temple produced a small vial of undefiled oil -- enough for only one day. Miraculously, the Temple lights burned for eight days until a new supply of oil was brought. In remembrance of this miracle, one candle of the Menorah - an eight branched candelabra - is lit each of the eight days of Hanukkah. Hanukkah, which means dedication, is a Hebrew word when translated is commonly spelled Hanukah, Chanukah, and Hannukah due to different translations and customs.

The tradition of receiving gifts on each of the eight days of Hanukkah is relatively new and due in part to the celebration's proximity to the Christmas season.

Kwanzaa

Doctor Maulana Karenga, a Professor at California State University in Long Beach, California, created Kwanzaa in 1966. It is a holiday celebrated by millions of African-Americans around the world, encouraging them to remember their African heritage and consider their current place in America today. Kwanzaa is celebrated fom December 26 to January 1 and involves seven principles called Nguzo Saba: Umoja (Unity), Kujichagulia (Self-determination), Ujima (Collective Work and Responsibility), Ujamaa (Cooperative Economics), Nia (Purpose), Kuumba (Creativity), and Imani (Faith).

In the Kwanzaa ritual, seven candles called Mishumaa Saba are placed in a Kinara, or candleholder, which is then set upon the Mikeka, a mat usually made of straw.

Three green candles are placed on the left, three red candles on the right and a black candle in the center, each candle representing one of the seven principles of the celebration. One candle is lit each day of the Kwanzaa celebration, beginning from left to right The colors of Kwanzaa ~ black, red and green ~ also have a special significance. Black symbolizes the faces of the African people, Red symbolizes the blood they have shed, and Green represents hope and the color of the motherland. The name itself - Kwanzaa - is a Swahili word meaning "fruits of the harvest."

Friday, December 3, 2010

Happy Holidays!!



It’s December so I am allowed to say it now! : ) I am gearing up for Art Therapy next week and am really looking forward to spending a relaxing evening together. It will fun to get into the festive spirit together and make Christmas cards for our dearest family and friends. Also, please don’t forget to RSVP for our dinner and a documentary evening on the 13th. It is already looking like we will have quite the full house, and the more the merrier! Joel and I having been discussing some delicious menu options that are sure to please a crowd.


Looking ahead into the New Year, we were hoping that we could get some feedback from you all on what educational opportunities you would like to see here at Nipissing Family. Joel and I have been brainstorming about possible guest speakers to come and speak with us. Anything from specific topics to general themes on what you are interested would be great. So please share your ideas with us as we would love to hear them! I will have a suggestion box available for those of you who have ideas to put forward.


Thanks for your continued support.


~ April

Thursday, December 2, 2010

3 Touching family quotes we came across in our class discussions during NAMI, Family-to-Family....


1. “Mental illness is a social disorder not an individual disease. The affected family member is the touchstone that modulates the society around them.”

2. “Learn to enjoy the gift of patience and love of the little things of life.”

3. “Without the depths of sadness we would never enjoy the highs of happiness.”

~April



Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Good day!



I received an e-mail today which reminded me that Christmas is only 39 days away! Time has been flying by during the last few months. Our NAMI Family-to-Family course is already wrapping up next week. It has been a good run and I have thoroughly enjoyed my experience as a teacher and have taken so much out of the course personally.


What amazed me the most was the strength and love present at each and every class. Even though many of these families and their loved ones have been routinely disappointed by the mental health system, there was a unified understanding of support and acceptance with each other. They realized for the first time that they were not alone and could relate to the feeling of loss, pain, fear and the constant worry of supporting their loved one. Over the course of the last few months, many stories were shared, many tears were shed, but at the end of the day we all became aware that our strength and love conquers all. Every evening ended with smiles, laughter, warm embraces, but most importantly, they ended with hope. I believe many of our students will move forward with what they have taken from the course and the friendships that have developed during this time will continue to prosper.


I would personally like to thank everyone who made this course possible, students and teachers alike, it was a memorable experience that would not have occurred without you all. So, thank for your presence, your spirit and your strength, it truly was an honour to go through it will you all.


I would also like to remind everyone about a few special dates coming up over the next couple of months.


Tuesday December 7th, 2010 Art Therapy for Families 5:30-7:00 p.m.


Please join us for a relaxing night of Christmas card making. The class will be facilitated by Nipissing University Fine Art students who will guide us through fun and easy card making just in time for Christmas. Please reserve your seat by calling the office.


Monday December 13th, 2010 Dinner and a Documentary 5:00-7:00 p.m.


Please join us for a festive evening of information and food! We will be showing David Suzuki’s A Brain That Changes Itself from the series, The Nature of Things. The film is based on the best-selling book by Toronto psychiatrist and researcher Dr. Norman Doidge, who presents a strong case for reconsidering how we view the human mind.


**Please reserve your seat by Dec. 10th***


In other news, we will be continuing Art Therapy, Yoga and Tai Chi in the new year. Thank you to everyone who came to the AGM. It was great to see so many of you!! We appreciate your continued support.


~ April

Thursday, October 28, 2010

EMPATHETIC GUIDELINES

For Families and Friends dealing with loved one with a Mental Illness



1. Don’t criticize. People struggling with any sort of mental illness are very vulnerable, and cannot defend themselves against direct personal attach. Try to be supportive, and keep negative or nagging remarks to an absolute minimum. If there is one single standard to work for in your relationship with an individual with a brain disorder, it is to respect, and protect, their shattered self-esteem.


2. Don’t press; don’t fight; don’t punish: Perhaps the best statement along these lines comes form a wise parent, Joe Talbot, quoted in Patricia Backlar’s superb book, The Family Face of Schizophrenia:


“With this disease there is no fighting. You may not fight. You just have to take it and take it calmly. And remember to keep your voice down. . . (Also) punishment doesn’t work with this disease. Now that I have lived with a person with schizophrenia, it makes me very upset when I see mental health workers try to correct their clients’ adverse behavior by punishment, because I know it doesn’t work”.


3. If you want to influence behavior effectively, the best thing to do is ignore negative behavior as much as you can, and praise positive behavior every chance you get. Study after study shows that if you “accentuate the positive” people will want to perform the behaviors that earn them recognition and approval. Many reliable studies indicate that criticism, conflict and emotional pressure are most highly related to relapse.


4. Learn to recognize and accept the primary symptoms, and the residual symptoms, of a person’s brain disorder. Don’t try to “jump start” someone in a depression, or “shoot down” a person with mania, or argue with schizophrenic delusions. Help them learn which of their behaviors are caused by their illness. Tell them it’s not their fault if they cannot get out of depression, that they are not “terrible” for the things they did when they were manic, etc. This kind of support relieves a lot of guilt and anxiety, even when someone is still in denial.


5. Don’t buy into the stigma all around you. People with mental illness are not “bad”, or ill because of some failure of character. Our family member is not willfully trying to disgrace us, frustrate us and embarrass us. Their behavior is not a reflection on our relationship, or our parenting. They are not dedicated to undermining our dignity, or ruining our prestige and standing in the community. They are simply ill. Stigma is awfully hard for us to bear in mental illness, but we certainly don’t have to go along with it!


6. Lessen your demand for support form your ill relative. People with mental illness become very “self” involved when so much of their identity and self-respect is at stake. They often cannot fulfill normal family roles. We are all well advised to seek additional sources of emotional support for ourselves when there is mental illness in the family. Then our loved ones can be who they are, and they well feel less guilty for letting us down.


7. Having made these necessary allowances, treat people with mental illness, day-to-day, just like anybody else. Expect the “basics” we all require to get along together, and set the same limits and expectations for reasonable order that would exist if the werre3 well. It is very reassuring to people with mental illness when we make a clear distinction between them as a person, and them as someone who has a problem with a disordered behavior. All persons require rules of conduct and cooperative standards to live by.


8. It is important to encourage independent behavior. Ask your ill family member what they feel they are ready to do. Plan for progress in small steps that have a better chance for success. Make short-term plans and goals and be prepared for changes in directions, and retreats. Progress in mental illness requires flexibility; it means giving up our zeal for progress measured by normal standards. There is lots more danger in pushing than there is in waiting. When they are ready, they move.


9. It doesn’t help us to cling to the past, or dwell on “what might have been.” The best gift we can offer is to accept that mental illness is a fact in the life of someone we love, and look ahead with hope to the future. It is important to tell our family members that mental illness makes life difficult, but not impossible. This is only the way it is now; things can be better. People come out of these illnesses; people get better. Family members can help keep the future alive; most people with mental illness do struggle on and rebuild their lives.


10. Every time our relatives “get better” and show improvement, for them it means that they are moving back into a risk position. Being well signals that they might be required to participate in the real world, and this is a frightening prospect for the “shaky self”. So it’s important for us to be very patient in wellness, just as we are in illness. People recovering from mental illness still have the awesome task of accepting what has happened to them, finding new meaning in life and constructing a way to living that protects them from becoming ill again.


11. Empathy must also extend to each of us, who struggle to under stand and encourage those we love who have mental illness. Remember: We can only try to do our best. We cannot do any better than that. Some illness processes get “stuck” no matter what we do to help. Brain disorders go through hard, intractable periods where helping those who suffer them is often very difficult to do. We can hope, we can assist, we can keep on trying, but we can’t produce miracles.


12. Families tell us that the most important “grace” one learns in the process of caring for people wit mental illness is forbearance, synonymous with tolerance, charity, endurance and self-restraint. Do not criticize yourself if you sometimes cannot muster up these graces when you are feeling frightened or frustrated. For all of us, coming to terms with changed life circumstances in serious illness is a huge adjustment. We do know that empathetic understanding will deepen and enrich our relationships with our relative suffering from a mental illness.