Thursday, January 30, 2014
14 PRINCIPLES FOR FAMILY MEMBERS ON HOW TO COPE
1 Realize that mental illness is not rare.
2 Learn as much as possible, as soon as possible.
3 Don't blame yourself – it can destroy your chances of coping forever.
4 Seek professional helpers who are effective.
5 Contact a self-help group for families.
6 Accept that mental illness is complex. Our natural instincts can be an unreliable guide. Relatives need training.
7 Get to know the origins of pressures to which family members are subject.
8 Pay special attention to the needs of other members of the family.
9 Remember that unlimited, unconditional self-sacrifice on behalf of someone with a mental illness is fatal to effective caring and coping.
10 Be aware that spending massive amounts of time with the person who has a mental illness can make matters worse.
11 Maintain friendships, activities and hobbies, particularly those that will take you outside the home.
12 Set your sights on appropriate independence for your relative and yourself.
13 Don't be surprised to find that the ability to change and look at things differently distinguishes relatives who can cope from those who can't.
14 Take very good care of yourself.
When mental illness becomes part of the family
When her five-year-old daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2002, Sarah Cannon was appalled at the lack of services available. So she spoke out – and paid a price.
The evening she was featured in her local newspaper, a parent called to “disinvite” Emily from a birthday party. Before long, she was being ostracized at her St. Catherines, Ont., school and labelled a problem child. At home, things were even more difficult as her father also was struggling with mental illness. (He died by suicide the following year.)
Then, “the whispers began,” Ms. Cannon says, “about how we were bad parents ... the ‘crazy family,’ that kind of stuff.”
The collateral damage included her younger daughter, Amy, who was subjected to taunting and teasing, just like her sister. “This isn't how I envisioned family life,” Ms. Cannon recalls.
She is not alone. One in every five Canadians will suffer from a mental illness at some point in their lives. Most will recover fully, but a minority will, like Emily, suffer severe, lifelong psychiatric illness. In her case, it can include depression, mania, wild mood swings and difficulty in carrying out the basic tasks of daily living.
Few families are even remotely prepared for the physical and psychological demands they face, whether it’s an autistic toddler, schizophrenic teen or a grandparent lost to dementia. The ties that bind can undergo severe stress, with routines disrupted, career paths altered, finances decimated and relationships taken to the breaking point.
Many families don't emerge intact. As Ms. Cannon puts it: “Mental health has left us dealing with things we couldn't have possibly imagined. ... It has touched every aspect of our lives.”
When illness strikes at a young age, parents shoulder the biggest burden. Stigma is a major problem, but far from the only one.
Ottawa resident Vera Klein, whose son, David, was diagnosed at 10 with depression and severe anxiety disorder, says that having a child with a mental illness is very different from having one with a physical illness. “The supports are there for physical illnesses. They’re not there for mental illness.”
Ms. Klein was lucky to have friends and family who remained loyal and supportive even after David's illness became public knowledge, as well as an employer who allowed her flexible hours, and to work from home if necessary.
Still, she says, the demands of caring for a child with a severe illness can be overwhelming, isolating and expensive.
David, for example, dropped out of school because of his severe anxiety and panic attacks, and lay around the house all day in a foul mood, while his parents desperately tried to find treatment that would work – counselling, special education, medication, electroconvulsive therapy and admission to hospital. Finally, an intensive wilderness course run by psychologists provided a breakthrough.
Ms. Klein says she knows people who delayed seeking help for children because they feel ashamed and fearful of how they may be perceived and treated – evidence, she feels, of the need to band together, to share information and to offer mutual support.
“As a parent, you get blamed for the child's challenging behaviours,” she says. “It can take a long time to get a diagnosis. So, when you realize there are other families going through the same thing, that you're not alone, it's incredible and empowering.”
In professional terms, Ms. Cannon was less fortunate. She worked at a hospital, but daycares refused to accept her daughter, saying her needs were too great, so she often had to call in sick and care for Emily herself.
Eventually, she took “a job where I could work at home. The pay was a lot less, but it did allow me to take care of her as well as get the education I needed to manage her at home” – in the hope Emily won't require institutional care later in life.
The constant demands take a toll, Ms. Cannon says. “It gets to you. You start to doubt yourself, to think maybe it is your fault.”
The collateral damage extended to her younger daughter, Amy, who has grown up feeling like a second banana because the family's life seemed to revolve around Emily's care and treatment. As a result, Ms. Cannon explains, “there is resentment of sorts,” but at the same time, Amy is fiercely defensive of her sister.
Ms. Klein says the illness that affected her son also reverberated across the family, with David's two older siblings coping quite differently. His brother took refuge in humour, while David's sister was tender with him, no matter how difficult he was.
They never resented David, but were at times angry and frustrated with their parents. “They wanted us to ‘fix it,' ” Ms. Klein says. “That was our job.”
Still, instead of tearing the family apart, the illness brought everyone together. “Now that the kids are all adults,” she adds, “thankfully they are very close to, and supportive of, one another.”
But less-resilient families conceal what they are going through, Ms. Cannon says, and “silence, of course, just perpetuates the stigma and leads to isolation.”
Vowing to avoid that trap, she turned to other parents for support, and is now executive director of an advocacy group, Parents for Children's Mental Health.
Emily, now 15 and in high school, is doing better – as is Ms. Klein's son. His illness kept him out of high school, but David is about to graduate from Carleton University with a psychology degree. And his mother, like Sarah Cannon, remains active with a peer-support group, Parents Lifeline of Eastern Ontario.
Parents, especially those still reeling from the news their child has a mental illness, must realize that treatment can make a difference, Ms. Klein says. “Everybody needs to know there is hope.”
Source: British Columbia Schizophrenia Society
The evening she was featured in her local newspaper, a parent called to “disinvite” Emily from a birthday party. Before long, she was being ostracized at her St. Catherines, Ont., school and labelled a problem child. At home, things were even more difficult as her father also was struggling with mental illness. (He died by suicide the following year.)
Then, “the whispers began,” Ms. Cannon says, “about how we were bad parents ... the ‘crazy family,’ that kind of stuff.”
The collateral damage included her younger daughter, Amy, who was subjected to taunting and teasing, just like her sister. “This isn't how I envisioned family life,” Ms. Cannon recalls.
She is not alone. One in every five Canadians will suffer from a mental illness at some point in their lives. Most will recover fully, but a minority will, like Emily, suffer severe, lifelong psychiatric illness. In her case, it can include depression, mania, wild mood swings and difficulty in carrying out the basic tasks of daily living.
Few families are even remotely prepared for the physical and psychological demands they face, whether it’s an autistic toddler, schizophrenic teen or a grandparent lost to dementia. The ties that bind can undergo severe stress, with routines disrupted, career paths altered, finances decimated and relationships taken to the breaking point.
Many families don't emerge intact. As Ms. Cannon puts it: “Mental health has left us dealing with things we couldn't have possibly imagined. ... It has touched every aspect of our lives.”
When illness strikes at a young age, parents shoulder the biggest burden. Stigma is a major problem, but far from the only one.
Ottawa resident Vera Klein, whose son, David, was diagnosed at 10 with depression and severe anxiety disorder, says that having a child with a mental illness is very different from having one with a physical illness. “The supports are there for physical illnesses. They’re not there for mental illness.”
Ms. Klein was lucky to have friends and family who remained loyal and supportive even after David's illness became public knowledge, as well as an employer who allowed her flexible hours, and to work from home if necessary.
Still, she says, the demands of caring for a child with a severe illness can be overwhelming, isolating and expensive.
David, for example, dropped out of school because of his severe anxiety and panic attacks, and lay around the house all day in a foul mood, while his parents desperately tried to find treatment that would work – counselling, special education, medication, electroconvulsive therapy and admission to hospital. Finally, an intensive wilderness course run by psychologists provided a breakthrough.
Ms. Klein says she knows people who delayed seeking help for children because they feel ashamed and fearful of how they may be perceived and treated – evidence, she feels, of the need to band together, to share information and to offer mutual support.
“As a parent, you get blamed for the child's challenging behaviours,” she says. “It can take a long time to get a diagnosis. So, when you realize there are other families going through the same thing, that you're not alone, it's incredible and empowering.”
In professional terms, Ms. Cannon was less fortunate. She worked at a hospital, but daycares refused to accept her daughter, saying her needs were too great, so she often had to call in sick and care for Emily herself.
Eventually, she took “a job where I could work at home. The pay was a lot less, but it did allow me to take care of her as well as get the education I needed to manage her at home” – in the hope Emily won't require institutional care later in life.
The constant demands take a toll, Ms. Cannon says. “It gets to you. You start to doubt yourself, to think maybe it is your fault.”
The collateral damage extended to her younger daughter, Amy, who has grown up feeling like a second banana because the family's life seemed to revolve around Emily's care and treatment. As a result, Ms. Cannon explains, “there is resentment of sorts,” but at the same time, Amy is fiercely defensive of her sister.
Ms. Klein says the illness that affected her son also reverberated across the family, with David's two older siblings coping quite differently. His brother took refuge in humour, while David's sister was tender with him, no matter how difficult he was.
They never resented David, but were at times angry and frustrated with their parents. “They wanted us to ‘fix it,' ” Ms. Klein says. “That was our job.”
Still, instead of tearing the family apart, the illness brought everyone together. “Now that the kids are all adults,” she adds, “thankfully they are very close to, and supportive of, one another.”
But less-resilient families conceal what they are going through, Ms. Cannon says, and “silence, of course, just perpetuates the stigma and leads to isolation.”
Vowing to avoid that trap, she turned to other parents for support, and is now executive director of an advocacy group, Parents for Children's Mental Health.
Emily, now 15 and in high school, is doing better – as is Ms. Klein's son. His illness kept him out of high school, but David is about to graduate from Carleton University with a psychology degree. And his mother, like Sarah Cannon, remains active with a peer-support group, Parents Lifeline of Eastern Ontario.
Parents, especially those still reeling from the news their child has a mental illness, must realize that treatment can make a difference, Ms. Klein says. “Everybody needs to know there is hope.”
Source: British Columbia Schizophrenia Society
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Bell's 'Let's Talk' day raises nearly $5.5M for mental health initiatives
Clara Hughes, national spokesperson for Bell Let's Talk
Bell's fourth annual 'Let's Talk' day saw tens of thousands of Canadians and others around the world take part in a conversation aimed at raising awareness about mental health issues.
A total of 109,451,719 tweets, texts, Facebook shares, and calls were made during the day-long event Tuesday.
More than three million tweets with the hashtag #BellLetsTalk were sent throughout the day, making it the number one Twitter trend in Canada, and number three worldwide.
Bell Canada donates five cents for each message, bringing the fundraising total to $5,472,586.
The money will go towards Canadian mental health programs.
CTV is owned by Bell Media.
A total of 109,451,719 tweets, texts, Facebook shares, and calls were made during the day-long event Tuesday.
More than three million tweets with the hashtag #BellLetsTalk were sent throughout the day, making it the number one Twitter trend in Canada, and number three worldwide.
Bell Canada donates five cents for each message, bringing the fundraising total to $5,472,586.
The money will go towards Canadian mental health programs.
CTV is owned by Bell Media.
Read more: http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/bell-s-let-s-talk-day-raises-nearly-5-5m-for-mental-health-initiatives-1.1659864#ixzz2roaNsEhi
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
The New Year resolutions that everyone should make
If the thought of January fills you with gloom, don't despair. Make 2014 your best year ever.
Take a walk with loved ones to clear your mind
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
If you can't commit to caring for yourself, what good are you to your loved ones or your career? Begin by energising your life with exercise. If you're not the type to join a health club just make small changes.
Take the stairs at work or when out and about. Walk instead of taking the car or public transport because research shows that those who walk regularly are healthier.
Exercise can be fun so consider taking up dancing. Everything from Latin American to ballroom is offered in many health clubs and community centres.
Looking after yourself also means eating well. Replace comfort foods with healthy snacks and meals. Resolve never to shop when hungry and to stick to your shopping list, making you less likely to include unplanned treats.
If you have niggling health worries make an appointment with your GP. Alleviate stress too by refusing extra responsibilities and don't say yes to extra projects when you can't manage them.
A simple, "I'm sorry, I can't help out this time" should suffice.
STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES
We are pulled in many directions and rarely stop to recharge. You can redress the balance in your favour by planning ahead.
Use your diary to plan dates for simple but pleasurable dinners or get-togethers with family and friends. Keeping it simple means everyone's more likely to pitch in.
Take time out for long walks and talks with loved ones.
Also carve out one night a week just for yourself. Maybe you'd love to try wine tasting or join a book club. Once they're part of your routine you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner.
Meditation is a great way to take stock of life and find peace. Take 10 minutes (or even five) for daily meditation. Switch everything off and relax your mind to enhance wellbeing.Organise your finances to minimise stress
HEAL RIFTS
Rifts with family, friends or even colleagues tend to hold us back emotionally. The new year is the perfect time to get in touch. Send a positive text or email or pick up the phone when you're feeling confident about sorting out a nagging issue.
Realise when you need to say, "I am sorry." Often we worry the words make us look weak but it shows strength to be able to apologise for your part in the problem.
Remember especially with loved ones that ultimately it's better to make the peace than to be right.
If you've a problem with a work colleague look at it from their perspective. Do they have a valid point? Could a compromise be reached? Festering issues in the workplace will keep you awake at night and that's not good for you.
STOP WORRYING
Constant worrying can lead to chronic anxiety which can have the effect of draining your emotional energy. In a bid to change, challenge what you're worrying about and think positively. Do you need to worry or is a solution available?
Don't let such concerns take over your life when what you need to do is sit down and work out steps to solve the problem. Identify the times in your day that trigger worry. For instance, are you always late in the morning? If so, how can you change your morning routine?
Even a small change such as setting your alarm clock to go off 10 minutes earlier may help.
Try a visualisation technique utilising a mental "stop sign". When you start worrying, picture a large stop sign signalling you to dump worrying thoughts.
LEARN SOMETHING NEW
Given that human brains are designed to be stimulated constantly, boredom underlies much low-level depression. Start by taking up a daily puzzle. Just stretching your brain a little can make a big difference.
If you plan a holiday in a foreign country you don't have to learn its whole language: buy a phrasebook and learn key messages. You could even get involved in your child's or grandchild's school project. Don't do it for them, but learn side by side.
HAVE A LAUGH
When you have the weight of the world on your shoulders you forget to let go and have fun. Research shows those who laugh more enjoy life more.
Make a regular date to visit a comedy club or watch your favourite old sitcom. You could even plan a comedy night where everyone brings a funny DVD and their best jokes.
It's perfectly okay to find your inner child. Rent your favourite childhood film, buy a bag of your favourite old sweets and sit back and let go of adult worries. Make more time for those you know you can have a good giggle with.Solve a puzzle daily to stimulate your mind.
MANAGE YOUR MONEY
Money can be a major problem. If financial woes get you down, make 2014 the year you conquer them. Start by listing your outgoings compared to incomings, then plan a budget.
Make new rules such as allowing yourself a certain sum of money to spend and leave debit and credit cards at home. If you can, cut up your cards to curb the temptation to spend unnecessarily.
If you've been ignoring creditors call them to agree a payment plan. You'll only make things worse by burying your head in the sand.
BE THANKFUL
It's easy to get stuck in the mindset of always needing more.
Every time you catch yourself thinking you need a holiday or a new home or car, consider the lovely things there are in your life. Look around at everything from your family or best friend to your beloved pets. This will help you focus on the important things.
Also when you feel self critical, thinking you should be more attractive or successful, focus on your top two or three attributes.
If asked, what would your friends say about you? That you're humorous, good company and happy to lend a shoulder to lean on maybe? Focus on these personal qualities.
Now that the holidays are over, it's time to kiss that steady influx of
sweets and treats galore goodbye and switch
over to clean eats and green juice, right? But obviously, that's much easier
said than done! Certain things can definitely help steer us in that direction
though ... like getting a bit of help in the motivation department!
Here, 10 inspirational quotes that could kickstart healthy changes to have you feeling more vital in 2014 and beyond!
1. "And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk more." -Erica Jong
2. "Energy and persistence conquer all things." -Benjamin Franklin
3. "Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." -Lou Holtz
4. "The secret of getting ahead is getting started." -Mark Twain
5. "It's never too late to become what you might have been." -George Eliot
6. "Forget about the fast lane. If you really want to fly, just harness your power to your passion." -Oprah
7. "Never give up on a dream just because of the time it take to accomplish it, the time will pass anyway." -Earl Nightingale
8. "Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them -- a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have the skill, and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill." -Muhammad Ali
9. "The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself." -Anna Quindlen
10. "Just believe in yourself. Even if you don't, pretend that you do and, at some point, you will." -Venus Williams
Here, 10 inspirational quotes that could kickstart healthy changes to have you feeling more vital in 2014 and beyond!
1. "And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk more." -Erica Jong
2. "Energy and persistence conquer all things." -Benjamin Franklin
3. "Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." -Lou Holtz
4. "The secret of getting ahead is getting started." -Mark Twain
5. "It's never too late to become what you might have been." -George Eliot
6. "Forget about the fast lane. If you really want to fly, just harness your power to your passion." -Oprah
7. "Never give up on a dream just because of the time it take to accomplish it, the time will pass anyway." -Earl Nightingale
8. "Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them -- a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have the skill, and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill." -Muhammad Ali
9. "The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself." -Anna Quindlen
10. "Just believe in yourself. Even if you don't, pretend that you do and, at some point, you will." -Venus Williams
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Here are some tips to accommodate our loved ones this season...
Surviving the Holidays When You Have a Mental Illness
For most people, the holidays are a time of joy and celebration. However, for many people with mental illnesses, the yuletide cheer is accompanied by added challenges. This is true for those with various diagnoses. Consider the following:
1. For people with depression, the joy and festivities of the holiday season seem to amplify their own inability to experience pleasure. As families and friends come together, they may withdraw. To make matters worse, Christmas falls right around the shortest day of the year, so the lack of sunlight can be a huge trigger for those with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) – a type of depression which occurs in the fall and winter months.
2. For people with anxiety, being around large groups of unfamiliar people can be terrifying. Christmas parties, crowded shopping malls, even visits with unfamiliar (or unkind) relatives can be extra-stressful.
3. For people with anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa, the large amounts of foods, particularly “treats,” that are part and parcel of holiday events can induce major anxiety. So can the enormously triggering “diet talk” that often accompanies holiday feasts and intensifies near New Years.
4. For people with alcoholism, the endless parade of holiday parties and events where alcohol is present makes it difficult to socialize normally or enjoy the typical gatherings with family and friends.
5. For people with ADHD, there is the added stress of final exams, Christmas shopping, decorating, parties, and visiting relatives, which can make them feel more scattered and disorganized than usual.
So how do you cope with mental illness during the holiday season?
Here are some tips which may be helpful, regardless of your particular diagnosis:
1.) Plan ahead. Create a written list of potential problems that could arise around the holidays. Think about various ways that you could handle these situations, and write down your solutions. Visualize yourself handling these difficult situations with grace and strength.
2.) Enlist social support. Talk to people you trust – your therapist, family members, or friends – about your concerns. Let them know how they can help you through this difficult time. People are more than willing to be more generous and charitable than usual at this time of year!
3.) Maintain good health habits. Get at least 8 hours of sleep per night, eat plenty of healthful foods, exercise regularly, and drink in moderation (if at all). Many people stop engaging in health-promoting behaviors around the holidays. If you struggle with a mental illness, this is the time to be extra-conscientious about caring for your physical and mental health.
4.) Focus on the protective factors associated with Christmas. Despite the myth that rates of suicides increase around the holidays, scientific research actually shows that suicide rates are lower than average in the days before Christmas. This may be due to several issues:
• Increased support from family and friends, who tend to gather together around the holidays
• Increased sense of charity and goodwill from others
• More community support – shelters, food banks, charities for the poor
• For many people, Christmas is associated with positive memories of hope and love and family, which can help improve outlook when things seem bleak
• Increase in religious observance and spirituality associated with Christmas
5.) Lower your expectations. Yes, the holidays are seen by many as “the most wonderful time of the year,” as the song goes. But stress and personal problems do not magically disappear during the holidays. It is not realistic to assume that you will be symptom-free simply because it is a holiday.
6.) Keep it simple. The holidays have become so commercialized, and so many demands are placed on people to throw and attend parties, buy and wrap lavish gifts, and cook like Julia Child on steroids, that many people are simply burnt out by the time Christmas arrives. Retailers love to extend the holiday season from Thanksgiving through New Years, but this is mostly for their own profit, and it doesn’t have to be this way. If you feel overwhelmed by stress, simply have a quiet, one-evening celebration with a few people of your choosing who are closest to you. There is no need to spend precious time and money getting people the perfect gifts. A simple card with a thoughtful note is sufficient to let people know you are thinking of them.
7.) Focus on what really matters. Remember the people of Whoville in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas? They showed us that Christmas can be joyful without presents and trees and decorations. These material things have no bearing on our ability to enjoy the holidays.
8.) In keeping with the Dr. Seuss example, think of your mental illness as the Grinch. It is a cold-hearted thief, with a heart three sizes too small, who will attempt to ruin your holiday. Don’t let it.
9.) Remember that parties are supposed to be fun and ARE ALWAYS OPTIONAL. You always dread your annual office party? Just don’t go. Let whomever is in charge know that you aren’t feeling well, or simply that you appreciate the invitation but you won’t be able to make it this year. It’s supposed to be a party, not a punishment.
10.) Do what’s fun; skip what’s not. If you love preparing Christmas dinner for your family, great! Enjoy! If not, hit up your local Chinese restaurant. Jews have had this tradition for decades.
1. For people with depression, the joy and festivities of the holiday season seem to amplify their own inability to experience pleasure. As families and friends come together, they may withdraw. To make matters worse, Christmas falls right around the shortest day of the year, so the lack of sunlight can be a huge trigger for those with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) – a type of depression which occurs in the fall and winter months.
2. For people with anxiety, being around large groups of unfamiliar people can be terrifying. Christmas parties, crowded shopping malls, even visits with unfamiliar (or unkind) relatives can be extra-stressful.
3. For people with anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa, the large amounts of foods, particularly “treats,” that are part and parcel of holiday events can induce major anxiety. So can the enormously triggering “diet talk” that often accompanies holiday feasts and intensifies near New Years.
4. For people with alcoholism, the endless parade of holiday parties and events where alcohol is present makes it difficult to socialize normally or enjoy the typical gatherings with family and friends.
5. For people with ADHD, there is the added stress of final exams, Christmas shopping, decorating, parties, and visiting relatives, which can make them feel more scattered and disorganized than usual.
So how do you cope with mental illness during the holiday season?
Here are some tips which may be helpful, regardless of your particular diagnosis:
1.) Plan ahead. Create a written list of potential problems that could arise around the holidays. Think about various ways that you could handle these situations, and write down your solutions. Visualize yourself handling these difficult situations with grace and strength.
2.) Enlist social support. Talk to people you trust – your therapist, family members, or friends – about your concerns. Let them know how they can help you through this difficult time. People are more than willing to be more generous and charitable than usual at this time of year!
3.) Maintain good health habits. Get at least 8 hours of sleep per night, eat plenty of healthful foods, exercise regularly, and drink in moderation (if at all). Many people stop engaging in health-promoting behaviors around the holidays. If you struggle with a mental illness, this is the time to be extra-conscientious about caring for your physical and mental health.
4.) Focus on the protective factors associated with Christmas. Despite the myth that rates of suicides increase around the holidays, scientific research actually shows that suicide rates are lower than average in the days before Christmas. This may be due to several issues:
• Increased support from family and friends, who tend to gather together around the holidays
• Increased sense of charity and goodwill from others
• More community support – shelters, food banks, charities for the poor
• For many people, Christmas is associated with positive memories of hope and love and family, which can help improve outlook when things seem bleak
• Increase in religious observance and spirituality associated with Christmas
5.) Lower your expectations. Yes, the holidays are seen by many as “the most wonderful time of the year,” as the song goes. But stress and personal problems do not magically disappear during the holidays. It is not realistic to assume that you will be symptom-free simply because it is a holiday.
6.) Keep it simple. The holidays have become so commercialized, and so many demands are placed on people to throw and attend parties, buy and wrap lavish gifts, and cook like Julia Child on steroids, that many people are simply burnt out by the time Christmas arrives. Retailers love to extend the holiday season from Thanksgiving through New Years, but this is mostly for their own profit, and it doesn’t have to be this way. If you feel overwhelmed by stress, simply have a quiet, one-evening celebration with a few people of your choosing who are closest to you. There is no need to spend precious time and money getting people the perfect gifts. A simple card with a thoughtful note is sufficient to let people know you are thinking of them.
7.) Focus on what really matters. Remember the people of Whoville in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas? They showed us that Christmas can be joyful without presents and trees and decorations. These material things have no bearing on our ability to enjoy the holidays.
8.) In keeping with the Dr. Seuss example, think of your mental illness as the Grinch. It is a cold-hearted thief, with a heart three sizes too small, who will attempt to ruin your holiday. Don’t let it.
9.) Remember that parties are supposed to be fun and ARE ALWAYS OPTIONAL. You always dread your annual office party? Just don’t go. Let whomever is in charge know that you aren’t feeling well, or simply that you appreciate the invitation but you won’t be able to make it this year. It’s supposed to be a party, not a punishment.
10.) Do what’s fun; skip what’s not. If you love preparing Christmas dinner for your family, great! Enjoy! If not, hit up your local Chinese restaurant. Jews have had this tradition for decades.
Mental Health Patients Can Receive Welcome Christmas Gifts From You
The patients at Toronto’s Centre For Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) say the only gift they are likely to receive this Christmas is from Gifts of Light. The program, which is now offered 365 days a year to honour other celebratory days and cultural and religious holidays, lets those who struggle with mental illness and addiction know that people care.There are a variety of price points from which to choose on the web site. For $10, one can give a gift of underwear and socks. For $20, patients can receive a gift certificate for the patient-run Out of This World Café, located on the Queen Street campus, or get a visit from a dog to lift their spirits.
For $35, one can choose to give a hat, scarf and mittens set or for $45 a pair of pajamas and slippers.
There are many options. Diane, an outpatient at CAMH’s Archway Clinic for people with Schizophrenia, has been receiving treatment for the past six years. “Before coming to Archway I had no self esteem and no self confidence,” she told a roomful of people invited to CAMH for the Gifts of Light 2013 launch. “Now, thanks to Archway, I have both.” She added that Archway gives her a sense of belonging and “for a lot of clients, including myself, Archway is the only family that we have.” Last Christmas, her Gifts of Light present included a winter hat, matching gloves, a scarf, as well as shampoo, conditioner and antiperspirant.
“The Gifts of Light to Archway has made it possible for many of us to truly have a merry Christmas,” she said. “The Gifts of Light provides comfort by delivering gifts and hope to those who are greatly in need. To many of us, it is the Santa Claus that goes that extra mile.”
CAMH helps 28,000 people annually through its inpatient and outpatient programs and through Canada’s only 24/7 mental health emergency department.
Over the past five years, nearly $1.3 million has been raised for Gifts of Light; 628 calling cards were distributed to patients to connect them with friends and family; and 3,645 each of soap, shampoo and conditioner were given out, according to information in the 2013/14 Gifts of Light gift guide. Those are some examples.
“It made me feel warm and happy inside, knowing that there are people like yourselves who actually care,” Diane said. “All of my friends felt the same way. We all shared the same excitement in receiving such a gift. For many of us, this was our only Christmas gift. We’re all grateful to the Gifts of light for giving a ray of hope to those of us who otherwise feel downhearted at Christmas time.”
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Medicate Me, Even When I Refuse
Suppose your toddler wanted to play with your kitchen knives. They are bright and shiny, and she sees you use them everyday, so she asks for them. "No," you kindly but firmly say. "They are very sharp and would hurt you." Your toddler begins to whine, then yell, then tantrum when you refuse to let her play with those knives. Do you give in, when you see how much it means to her, how upset she is that you authoritatively refuse to grant her permission? No, you are a good parent, and because you are responsible for her safety, you calm her down and redirect her to things with which she is allowed to play. The tears dry, and her smile returns -- and she is safe.
Had she been permitted to have her way and play with the sharp knives, she would have badly cut herself. She didn't understand this; she was unaware of the danger she would have been to herself. She needed someone outside herself to keep her safe, until she was older and could understand the damage a knife can cause.
Such a scenario is reminiscent of anosognosia: the inability to recognize one's own illness, often while persisting in behaviours that are harmful to oneself. While it can also occur to due neurological disorder, it is very prevalent in psychiatric illnesses such as schizophrenia. Many people experiencing psychosis do not believe they are at all ill. They refuse help, and, unless treated against their (psychotic) will, they may harm themselves or others.
But we must have the right to harm ourselves, have we not? Such reasoning parades as a constitutional right, the right to chose what happens to our bodies and brains. Move beyond that and find that the right to refuse psychiatric treatment is a growing movement. This group insists that any treatment for a mental illness is exceedingly harmful to the person -- if indeed there is such a thing as mental illness. "Mental illness," they say, is a "personal journey," something special that must not be crushed by involuntary medication or hospitalization.
Perhaps this laissez-faire is akin to letting the child play with the knives. Yes, they might get hurt, but, as they "journey" with these knives, they would discover that to hold the hilt means no pain. Some children would learn this quickly, others more slowly and with far more cuts. In other words, if someone knew that some would come out of the play wiser, and maybe even with hardly a scrape, to play with knives is indeed a learning experience. Thus, the one that is "in control" (parent) ought not disallow the play lest they dampen the curiosity, problem-solving skills, and bravery of the child, who has their own fledgling right to harm him or herself. Perhaps. But those "learning" cuts could easily kill.
Is this then a real right? In my case, is repeatedly bashing my head against a concrete wall till both my head and the wall are bloody a right? Or cuts to my arms, slit with a razor blade -- a right? It is what I do without medication; it happens when I am ill with schizophrenia in order to release the millions of microscopic rats that I delusionally believe are eating my brain. When taking antipsychotics, the rats leave, the need to self-harm fades, and I am in my right mind.
Besides the rats and bloodletting, I fall into the realm of anosognosia when I am ill. I do not know that the rats are not real, and vehemently argue with frustrated health care professionals. I do not belong, certified, on the psych ward! The rats really are eating my brain! No, I don't want your PRNs of rat-infested Ativan!
Then come the restraints and injections.
Involuntary treatment. Anosognosia: no insight, no right?
The Mental Health Act hangs on the ward wall. Our rights. I am too drugged to read it.
I attempt to hang myself in the bathroom. Again.
The "psychiatric survivors" will love this. See the results of "treatment"? I have rights: the right to life, that right to the pursuit of happiness. Surely this cannot happen amid needles and isolation rooms and medication -- oh, how much medication.
But though some psychiatrists rely overly on their psychopharmaceutical powers, my brain is in fact too sick to heal on its own. It needs something outside itself to be healthy enough to fulfil my rights. I have seen drugs fail, but I know now that some actually clear my life of psychosis. Could I have gotten there alone? No. The hangings would have continued, eventually successful. Unmedicated "journeys" for me are a hell of hallucinations, paranoia, and delusion. Please, I do want the drugs, even though I tantrum against the injections. Please, someone, make choices for me when I cannot: choose to give me the treatment that, for me, has worked in the past. Medicate me. Don't leave me to myself; I will play with those knives, and may not learn until I bleed to death what harm I have the "right" to do.
-Erin Hawkes, Blogger
Suppose your toddler wanted to play with your kitchen knives. They are bright and shiny, and she sees you use them everyday, so she asks for them. "No," you kindly but firmly say. "They are very sharp and would hurt you." Your toddler begins to whine, then yell, then tantrum when you refuse to let her play with those knives. Do you give in, when you see how much it means to her, how upset she is that you authoritatively refuse to grant her permission? No, you are a good parent, and because you are responsible for her safety, you calm her down and redirect her to things with which she is allowed to play. The tears dry, and her smile returns -- and she is safe.
Had she been permitted to have her way and play with the sharp knives, she would have badly cut herself. She didn't understand this; she was unaware of the danger she would have been to herself. She needed someone outside herself to keep her safe, until she was older and could understand the damage a knife can cause.
Such a scenario is reminiscent of anosognosia: the inability to recognize one's own illness, often while persisting in behaviours that are harmful to oneself. While it can also occur to due neurological disorder, it is very prevalent in psychiatric illnesses such as schizophrenia. Many people experiencing psychosis do not believe they are at all ill. They refuse help, and, unless treated against their (psychotic) will, they may harm themselves or others.
But we must have the right to harm ourselves, have we not? Such reasoning parades as a constitutional right, the right to chose what happens to our bodies and brains. Move beyond that and find that the right to refuse psychiatric treatment is a growing movement. This group insists that any treatment for a mental illness is exceedingly harmful to the person -- if indeed there is such a thing as mental illness. "Mental illness," they say, is a "personal journey," something special that must not be crushed by involuntary medication or hospitalization.
Perhaps this laissez-faire is akin to letting the child play with the knives. Yes, they might get hurt, but, as they "journey" with these knives, they would discover that to hold the hilt means no pain. Some children would learn this quickly, others more slowly and with far more cuts. In other words, if someone knew that some would come out of the play wiser, and maybe even with hardly a scrape, to play with knives is indeed a learning experience. Thus, the one that is "in control" (parent) ought not disallow the play lest they dampen the curiosity, problem-solving skills, and bravery of the child, who has their own fledgling right to harm him or herself. Perhaps. But those "learning" cuts could easily kill.
Is this then a real right? In my case, is repeatedly bashing my head against a concrete wall till both my head and the wall are bloody a right? Or cuts to my arms, slit with a razor blade -- a right? It is what I do without medication; it happens when I am ill with schizophrenia in order to release the millions of microscopic rats that I delusionally believe are eating my brain. When taking antipsychotics, the rats leave, the need to self-harm fades, and I am in my right mind.
Besides the rats and bloodletting, I fall into the realm of anosognosia when I am ill. I do not know that the rats are not real, and vehemently argue with frustrated health care professionals. I do not belong, certified, on the psych ward! The rats really are eating my brain! No, I don't want your PRNs of rat-infested Ativan!
Then come the restraints and injections.
Involuntary treatment. Anosognosia: no insight, no right?
The Mental Health Act hangs on the ward wall. Our rights. I am too drugged to read it.
I attempt to hang myself in the bathroom. Again.
The "psychiatric survivors" will love this. See the results of "treatment"? I have rights: the right to life, that right to the pursuit of happiness. Surely this cannot happen amid needles and isolation rooms and medication -- oh, how much medication.
But though some psychiatrists rely overly on their psychopharmaceutical powers, my brain is in fact too sick to heal on its own. It needs something outside itself to be healthy enough to fulfil my rights. I have seen drugs fail, but I know now that some actually clear my life of psychosis. Could I have gotten there alone? No. The hangings would have continued, eventually successful. Unmedicated "journeys" for me are a hell of hallucinations, paranoia, and delusion. Please, I do want the drugs, even though I tantrum against the injections. Please, someone, make choices for me when I cannot: choose to give me the treatment that, for me, has worked in the past. Medicate me. Don't leave me to myself; I will play with those knives, and may not learn until I bleed to death what harm I have the "right" to do.
-Erin Hawkes, Blogger
How Medication Stopped My Schizophrenia From Killing Me
Have my antipsychotics literally changed my brain? Have they exacerbated my schizophrenia?
An irony: an effect of antipsychotics is that less dopamine (a neurotransmitter whose work is affected in schizophrenia) is sent as a message to the next neuron, but in fact, this may actually cause a "supersensitivity" to dopamine. In "The Scientific Case Against Forced Drug Treatment" presented by Robert Whitaker in February, Whitaker runs with this, blaming antipsychotics for causing psychosis.
There is some evidence of dopaminergic supersensitivity in medicated patients but, again ironically, it is time-limited and seen most in the patients with schizophrenia that have the best prognosis. Perhaps that is occurring in my own medicated brain. Would Whitaker recommend (strongly) that I stop taking the medication?
However, when my brain is unmedicated, my schizophrenia runs rampant. I am psychotic, hallucinating, and awash in paranoid delusion. I do not go to work, I do not answer my phone; I flee to the streets lest the police come to my home and collect me for yet another hospitalization. I live in constant terror because microscopic rats are eating my brain and a homicidal man is tracking me down to shoot me. I am not on medication. That is my right. But have I chosen to be med-free of my own volition?
How do you choose for or against psychosis when psychotic? By very definition, you are of "unsound mind" when making that choice, the criteria accepted by most mental health care professionals (along with being a danger to yourself or others) as the green light to provide medication without your consent.
Personally, I have been on the receiving end of forced medication. Throughout my 11 certifications (forced hospitalizations), I was repeatedly injected with drugs without consent. More specifically, against my consent, I was screaming and crying for them to not inject me. I never won. But now, I take medication for my schizophrenia voluntarily every day. Why? I learned from those forced injections that meds made things easier: voices are quieter, delusions and paranoia smaller.
I would never have consented on my own, preferring to exercise a "right to be unmedicated" over a "right to life-saving treatment." While I do not believe that every forced intervention was warranted, I do believe that without some involuntary treatment I would be at best psychotic and, at worst, dead. Oh, did my voices ever want me to kill myself. I count myself lucky that some medication ordered by some doctor brought me out of that state.
Now, is life without schizophrenia and without medication a possibility? I know from experience that every relapse followed a decrease (or cessation) of my meds. Round and round that revolving door. Isn't that the definition of "insanity:" to repeat a behavior expecting a different response? I kept stopping the medication, only to wind up on the hospital psych ward again. Finally, I understood: take meds and stay sane and free.
Or am I a deluded victim of the "drug era" I am in?
Robert Whitaker's presentation ("The Scientific Case Against Forced Treatment") to the Mental Health Legal Advisors Committee, astonished me at the absurd simplification regarding that "pre-drug and drug era" (1947 and 1967): who can enumerate the countless other factors between these two "eras"? What about the start of an "era" of having more and differing social facilities to support those with mental health become not only available, but also coming with progressively less stigma.
Across Whitaker's "eras," successful "living in the community" has a multitude of possible interpretations (which he fails to note). This includes how long people with schizophrenia live at home as (mentally ill) adults versus in some form of "group home" or supported housing.
In our society decades ago, and across a variety of cultures, many people with mental illness would have been more often cared for among relatives. There are vast differences regarding mental illness acceptance and support across both time and space; differing world-views and beliefs systems must be taken into account when defining such things as "living in the community."
Finally, where in his presentation does Whitaker acknowledge that those most likely to be medicated are those most adversely affected by a psychotic disorder such as schizophrenia? And that this population will show less improvement, regardless of whether they are being medicated. I count myself fortunate in that I do respond to the antipsychotics I am now taking, despite being labeled "severe," "refractory," and "chronic" in the past. It would be great if I could go without meds, but I have learned all too painfully that I get my life back when I am taking those little pills.
Have my antipsychotics literally changed my brain? Have they exacerbated my schizophrenia?
An irony: an effect of antipsychotics is that less dopamine (a neurotransmitter whose work is affected in schizophrenia) is sent as a message to the next neuron, but in fact, this may actually cause a "supersensitivity" to dopamine. In "The Scientific Case Against Forced Drug Treatment" presented by Robert Whitaker in February, Whitaker runs with this, blaming antipsychotics for causing psychosis.
There is some evidence of dopaminergic supersensitivity in medicated patients but, again ironically, it is time-limited and seen most in the patients with schizophrenia that have the best prognosis. Perhaps that is occurring in my own medicated brain. Would Whitaker recommend (strongly) that I stop taking the medication?
However, when my brain is unmedicated, my schizophrenia runs rampant. I am psychotic, hallucinating, and awash in paranoid delusion. I do not go to work, I do not answer my phone; I flee to the streets lest the police come to my home and collect me for yet another hospitalization. I live in constant terror because microscopic rats are eating my brain and a homicidal man is tracking me down to shoot me. I am not on medication. That is my right. But have I chosen to be med-free of my own volition?
How do you choose for or against psychosis when psychotic? By very definition, you are of "unsound mind" when making that choice, the criteria accepted by most mental health care professionals (along with being a danger to yourself or others) as the green light to provide medication without your consent.
Personally, I have been on the receiving end of forced medication. Throughout my 11 certifications (forced hospitalizations), I was repeatedly injected with drugs without consent. More specifically, against my consent, I was screaming and crying for them to not inject me. I never won. But now, I take medication for my schizophrenia voluntarily every day. Why? I learned from those forced injections that meds made things easier: voices are quieter, delusions and paranoia smaller.
I would never have consented on my own, preferring to exercise a "right to be unmedicated" over a "right to life-saving treatment." While I do not believe that every forced intervention was warranted, I do believe that without some involuntary treatment I would be at best psychotic and, at worst, dead. Oh, did my voices ever want me to kill myself. I count myself lucky that some medication ordered by some doctor brought me out of that state.
Now, is life without schizophrenia and without medication a possibility? I know from experience that every relapse followed a decrease (or cessation) of my meds. Round and round that revolving door. Isn't that the definition of "insanity:" to repeat a behavior expecting a different response? I kept stopping the medication, only to wind up on the hospital psych ward again. Finally, I understood: take meds and stay sane and free.
Or am I a deluded victim of the "drug era" I am in?
Robert Whitaker's presentation ("The Scientific Case Against Forced Treatment") to the Mental Health Legal Advisors Committee, astonished me at the absurd simplification regarding that "pre-drug and drug era" (1947 and 1967): who can enumerate the countless other factors between these two "eras"? What about the start of an "era" of having more and differing social facilities to support those with mental health become not only available, but also coming with progressively less stigma.
Across Whitaker's "eras," successful "living in the community" has a multitude of possible interpretations (which he fails to note). This includes how long people with schizophrenia live at home as (mentally ill) adults versus in some form of "group home" or supported housing.
In our society decades ago, and across a variety of cultures, many people with mental illness would have been more often cared for among relatives. There are vast differences regarding mental illness acceptance and support across both time and space; differing world-views and beliefs systems must be taken into account when defining such things as "living in the community."
Finally, where in his presentation does Whitaker acknowledge that those most likely to be medicated are those most adversely affected by a psychotic disorder such as schizophrenia? And that this population will show less improvement, regardless of whether they are being medicated. I count myself fortunate in that I do respond to the antipsychotics I am now taking, despite being labeled "severe," "refractory," and "chronic" in the past. It would be great if I could go without meds, but I have learned all too painfully that I get my life back when I am taking those little pills.
Why Mental Illness Goes Much Further
Than Research Tells Us
Canadians recently learned the results of the Canadian Community Health Survey on Mental Health (2012), which revealed that 1 in 6 Canadians were in need of mental heath care. This is a large portion of the population and so the findings are not only significant, but they have garnered media attention and should assist in advocacy for mental health issues in Canada.
The problem is that the statistic is flawed.
The researchers excluded three critical groups:
1. "persons living on reserves and other Aboriginal settlements"
2. "full time members of the Canadian Forces"
3. "institutionalized populations"
The problem here is obvious -- the exclusion of these populations significantly lowers the number of people identified as having a mental health need. Native Canadians are known to suffer from problems with substance abuse, depression and high suicide rates, and the Canadian Armed Forces tend to have higher rates of PTSD and depression than the general population.
Furthermore, the researchers only assessed a small portion of mental illnesses -- depression, bipolar, generalized anxiety, and substance abuse/ dependence. Using a reduced number of disorders in the calculation and understanding of need biases the results.
So, the 1 in 6 figure significantly underestimates the mental health needs of Canadians.
There were other methodologcal issues that are also worth mentioning here, but my goal is not to tear down the methodological flaws of the research. Rather, I believe there is a larger and more important message to be delivered by examining the mental health statistics disseminated in Canada. Before making my broader point, let's look at a more popular mental health statistic that many readers would be familiar with.
Many Canadians have heard over the years that 1 in 5 Canadians will suffer from a mental illness in their lifetime. They were exposed to this statistic through the Bell Canada "Let's Talk" campaign or through the various health agencies in Canada, such as the Public Health Agency of Canada, the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA), and the Canadian Institute of Health Research.
These groups' websites are not the best at clearly citing their sources, but with a little bit research, one finds that the statistic usually comes from one of two reports:
1. The Report on Mental Illness in Canada by the Public Health Agency of Canada.
2. The Canadian Community Health Survey on Mental Health and Well-Being (2003).
The first report summarizes existing data and was used to paint a picture of mental illness in Canada.
The odd thing about this report is its clear problem with internal consistency.
The authors of the report assert on page 15 that 20% (1 in 5) of Canadians will experience a mental illness in their lifetime. Two pages later (p. 17) they write that "Canadian studies have estimated that nearly one in five Canadian adults will experience a mental illness during a one year period (my italics)." This appears to be a baffling mistake that confuses the reader about which statistic is correct.
The second report presents the findings of a national survey. Both one year and lifetime prevalence of various mental illnesses are presented. Results from this study found that 1 in 10 Canadians had at least one mental illness over a one year period, and 1 in 5 experienced one of these disorders in their lifetime.
These data are a significant improvement over the The Report on Mental Illness in Canada, which derived their data from smaller Canadian studies.
However, the problem with the CCHS survey is that only a portion of mental illnesses were examined. The researchers did not assess the prevalence of many disorders. To give an idea of the degree to which this exclusion of illnesses would bias the prevalence results, I have listed here the illnesses not included in the survey and the lifetime prevalence of each disorder based on U.S. estimates (1):
- Specific Phobia (12.5 per cent)
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder (5.7 per cent)
- PTSD (6.8 per cent)
- OCD (1.6 per cent)
- Dysthymia (2.5 per cent)
- ADHD (8.1 per cent)
- Oppositional Defiant Disorder (8.5 per cent)
- Conduct Disorder (9.5 per cent)
- Intermittent Explosive Disorder (5.2 per cent )
- Schizophrenia (one per cent)
- Personality Disorders (14.8 per cent)
As you can see, there were a large number of disorders not included in this Canadian survey. However, this is not the only problem. Similar to the more recent CCHS survey, the following groups were omitted from the study:
- those living in the three Canadian territories and resident of remote areas
- those living on Indian Reserves and Crown lands
- residents of institutions, and
- full-time members of the Canadian Armed Forces
When one considers that these groups were not included, in addition to the large swath of mental illnesses that were not evaluated, it becomes very clear that 1 in 5 Canadians is not even close.
Large scale American studies on prevalence of mental illness have found that 1 in 2 Americans will experience a mental illness in their lifetime.
While I certainly applaud these various health organizations for their efforts and hard work, I am quite dissatisfied with not only the biased statistics that have been formulated and disseminated, but also how no one has even noticed.
To help put into perspective the injustice of this problem, one only needs to surmise the reaction of politicians, health officials, advocates and indeed the general population if this same approach was used with a physical health problem like cancer.
Imagine if the true prevalence of cancer in Canada was somewhere around 50 per cent, but the government of Canada estimated the prevalence to be approximately 20 per cent because they included in their estimate only a portion of all possible cancers. The medical community would be in an uproar because there are important implications drawn from such data.
Health awareness in the community and funding for research and treatment are all affected by the estimated severity of a problem. And if you vastly underestimated cancer rates, the realistic danger is that cancer research and treatment would not receive the necessary attention and funding that it deserves, and the community at large would suffer. Thus, it is important to always have an accurate understanding of the severity of a particular health problem.
Well, guess what happens if mental illness is underestimated?
It is often said that mental health is the orphan of the Canadian health care system. Sadly, the lack of awareness in just how prevalent mental illness is in Canada only serves to further validate this conclusion.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
A Stress-Free Thanksgiving
Ten tips for an easier holiday
There are plenty of small steps you can take to reduce holiday stress.
1. Arm yourself with a plan: Sit down and make a guest list. From the number of guests, plan your menu. Then you can create a complete shopping list and decide if you're doing all of the cooking or if others will be bringing dishes. Take inventory at least two weeks out of your dinnerware, kitchen tools, and gadgets, spices and other staples in your pantry, and don't forget to count chairs!
2. Shop early: Grocery stores get more packed the longer you wait, plus you run the risk of some of your needs being sold out. Try to do your shopping early morning or late evening at least one week before the big day.
3. Make-ahead magic: Plenty of side dishes, desserts, and breads can be made ahead of time. This frees up your counter space and your to-do list. If you do have to make several dishes on Thanksgiving, try to distribute them evenly between the stovetop, the oven, and the microwave.
4. Perform a test flight: If you're making a side dish for the first time or using ingredients that you aren't familiar with, try them out beforehand so you'll be prepared for success on Thanksgiving Day. Ditto if you're serving a new wine or using new equipment, like a brand new oven.
5. Manage the little ones: Keeping the kids occupied takes time as well. Having a group of kid-friendly DVDs on hand is a no-brainer, but don't stop there. Kids can help in the kitchen with cookie decorating or in the dining room with setting the table.
6. Shrink the menu: With the size of the feast on most of our tables, it really isn't necessary to load your guests up on dips, snacks, or appetizers. A platter of cut fresh vegetables should do the trick.
7. Turkey duty: As the place where all eyes are focused, preparing a perfect Thanksgiving turkey carries a huge amount of stress. The most important thing: don't forget to thaw the turkey. In the refrigerator is the best method, but will take longer. You can also submerge the turkey in cold water to speed thawing. Keep the bird basted as it cooks and let it stand for at least 30 minutes after it comes out of the oven to keep it moist.
8. Quick fixes: Purchasing store-bought desserts and adding your own flair is a great timesaver. Defrost a frozen pumpkin pie, top with streusel, and bake. Or simmer cranberries in orange juice and a little sugar just until they pop and spoon over purchased pound cake.
9. Plan an after-dinner activity: Plan something for the family to do after dinner. Pre-purchase movie tickets for the opening blockbuster and fold them in your napkins. Have your yard staked out for a game of flag football. Your guests will love having the planning done for them.
10. Don't sweat it: The true secret to being a gracious host or hostess (and keeping your own sanity) is to not let small problems ruin the day. If one of your side dishes burns, simply toss it out and enjoy the bounty you do have. If the turkey burns, order take-out. And don't forget to laugh.
1. Arm yourself with a plan: Sit down and make a guest list. From the number of guests, plan your menu. Then you can create a complete shopping list and decide if you're doing all of the cooking or if others will be bringing dishes. Take inventory at least two weeks out of your dinnerware, kitchen tools, and gadgets, spices and other staples in your pantry, and don't forget to count chairs!
2. Shop early: Grocery stores get more packed the longer you wait, plus you run the risk of some of your needs being sold out. Try to do your shopping early morning or late evening at least one week before the big day.
3. Make-ahead magic: Plenty of side dishes, desserts, and breads can be made ahead of time. This frees up your counter space and your to-do list. If you do have to make several dishes on Thanksgiving, try to distribute them evenly between the stovetop, the oven, and the microwave.
4. Perform a test flight: If you're making a side dish for the first time or using ingredients that you aren't familiar with, try them out beforehand so you'll be prepared for success on Thanksgiving Day. Ditto if you're serving a new wine or using new equipment, like a brand new oven.
5. Manage the little ones: Keeping the kids occupied takes time as well. Having a group of kid-friendly DVDs on hand is a no-brainer, but don't stop there. Kids can help in the kitchen with cookie decorating or in the dining room with setting the table.
6. Shrink the menu: With the size of the feast on most of our tables, it really isn't necessary to load your guests up on dips, snacks, or appetizers. A platter of cut fresh vegetables should do the trick.
7. Turkey duty: As the place where all eyes are focused, preparing a perfect Thanksgiving turkey carries a huge amount of stress. The most important thing: don't forget to thaw the turkey. In the refrigerator is the best method, but will take longer. You can also submerge the turkey in cold water to speed thawing. Keep the bird basted as it cooks and let it stand for at least 30 minutes after it comes out of the oven to keep it moist.
8. Quick fixes: Purchasing store-bought desserts and adding your own flair is a great timesaver. Defrost a frozen pumpkin pie, top with streusel, and bake. Or simmer cranberries in orange juice and a little sugar just until they pop and spoon over purchased pound cake.
9. Plan an after-dinner activity: Plan something for the family to do after dinner. Pre-purchase movie tickets for the opening blockbuster and fold them in your napkins. Have your yard staked out for a game of flag football. Your guests will love having the planning done for them.
10. Don't sweat it: The true secret to being a gracious host or hostess (and keeping your own sanity) is to not let small problems ruin the day. If one of your side dishes burns, simply toss it out and enjoy the bounty you do have. If the turkey burns, order take-out. And don't forget to laugh.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Stress Management
Stress relief: When and how to say no
Sure it's easier to say yes, but at what price to your peace of mind? Here's why saying no may be a healthier option for stress relief.
By Mayo Clinic staffIs your plate piled high with deadlines and obligations that you're trying to squeeze in between meetings? Are you trying to cram too many activities into too little time? If so, stress relief can be as straightforward as just saying no.
Why say no?
The number of worthy requests isn't likely to lessen, and you can't add more available time to your day. Are you doomed then to be overcommitted? The answer is no, not if you're willing to say no. It may not be the easy way, but it is a path to stress relief.Consider these reasons for saying no:
- Saying no isn't necessarily selfish. When you say no to a new commitment, you're honoring your existing obligations and ensuring that you'll be able to devote quality time to them.
- Saying no can allow you to try new things. Just because you've always helped plan the company softball tournament doesn't mean that you have to keep doing it forever. Saying no will give you time to pursue other interests.
- Always saying yes isn't healthy. When you're overcommitted and under too much stress, you're more likely to feel run-down and possibly get sick.
- Saying yes can cut others out. On the other hand, when you say no you open the door for others to step up. They may not do things exactly the way you would, but that's OK. They'll find their own way.
When to say no
Sometimes it's tough to determine which activities deserve your time and attention. Use these strategies to evaluate obligations — and opportunities — that come your way.- Focus on what matters most. Examine your current obligations and overall priorities before making any new commitments. Ask yourself if the new commitment is important to you. If it's something you feel strongly about, by all means do it. If not, take a pass.
- Weigh the yes-to-stress ratio. Is the new activity you're considering a short- or long-term commitment? For example, making a batch of cookies for the school bake sale will take far less time than heading up the school fundraising committee. Don't say yes if it will mean months of added stress. Instead, look for other ways to pitch in.
- Take guilt out of the equation. Don't agree to a request you would rather decline because of feelings of guilt or obligation. Doing so will likely lead to additional stress and resentment.
- Sleep on it. Are you tempted by a friend's invitation to volunteer at your old alma mater or join a weekly golf league? Before you respond, take a day to think about the request and how it fits in with your current commitments.
How to say no
No. Nope. Nah. See how simple it is to say one little word, allowing you to take a pass on tasks that don't make the cut? Of course, there will be times when it's just not that easy. Here are some things to keep in mind when you need to say no:- Say no. The word "no" has power. Don't be afraid to use it. Be careful about using wimpy substitute phrases, such as "I'm not sure" or "I don't think I can." These can be interpreted to mean that you might say yes later.
- Be brief. State your reason for refusing the request, but don't go on about it. Avoid elaborate justifications or explanations.
- Be honest. Don't fabricate reasons to get out of an obligation. The truth is always the best way to turn down a friend, family member or co-worker.
- Be respectful. Many good causes land at your door and it can be tough to turn them down. Complimenting the group's effort while saying that you can't commit at this time shows that you respect what they're trying to accomplish.
- Be ready to repeat. You may find it necessary to refuse a request several times before the other person accepts your response. When that happens, just hit the replay button. Calmly repeat your no, with or without your original rationale, as needed.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
No longer silent: Man with bipolar disorder speaks up about his illness, inspiring others
By Loren Grush
FoxNews.com
- Logan Noone recounts his struggles with bipolar disorder in a viral YouTube video. (YouTube)
- Logan Noone before and after his weight loss.
A few months ago, Logan Noone made a decision that everyone told him would be a terrible idea. He started talking.
In May 2011, Noone was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a psychiatric condition marked by alternating periods of intense depression and good or irritable moods. While seeking treatment for his mental health at a hospital, his doctors and fellow patients all told him the same thing – don’t tell anyone about your illness.
“They all said, ‘You have to be careful about who you tell, because people may discriminate against you, and it could ruin your career,’” Noone, a 23-year-old Connecticut native who now lives in California, told FoxNews.com. “And it was really frustrating for me because I thought, ‘Yeah, but they might not.’”
Though he adamantly disagreed with the idea of keeping quiet, Noone ended up taking his physicians’ advice and ultimately kept his condition to himself.
The silence tore him apart. For the next six months, he spiraled into one of his worst depressions, feeling nothing but shame for his condition and the life he was leading.
“I thought it was a flaw; I didn’t think I could be anything successful,” Noone said. “I didn’t have the drive to get better, because I thought I was destined for suicide.”
Then a seemingly small moment would catapult Noone into a completely different phase of his life. Just two days after moving to California for a job transfer, Noone nonchalantly told his new Craigslist roommates his biggest secret – that he had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Then something incredible happened.
Nothing changed.
His roommates did not discriminate against him and embraced Noone for who he was.
“I’ve been able to teach them what bipolar disorder is and change their misconceptions about it,” Noone said. “…They also taught me the lesson that I’m just a normal guy, and I can still fit in with everyone else. We all have something wrong with us; no one’s DNA is perfect.”
Since then, Noone has purposefully gone against the “keep quiet” mentality, making the choice to step up and speak out about his experience with mental illness. Having recently been hired by the California Speakers Bureau, Noone travels to different colleges throughout the state, giving speeches about his life story and how people can help erase the stigma surrounding mental illness. He has since posted a video of his speech on YouTube, which is quickly gathering views and enormous support.
Now, Noone and others are poised on the brink of what they are calling a mental health civil rights movement, aimed at encouraging those with mental illness to break their silence and talk about their experiences as something positive – and not something to hide.
Depression vs. mania
Having grown up with a loving family in Litchfield, Conn., Noone had always been a happy, normal kid. He would sometimes experience periods of depression and anxiety, but he could always turn it around quickly.
It wasn’t until he studied abroad in Scotland while attending his junior year at the College of the Holy Cross that he started to notice something wasn’t quite right.
“I started to have racing thoughts that were so consuming,” Noone said. “I couldn’t focus; I had trouble interacting with people. I didn’t feel like I knew who I was. It ultimately lead to drinking and self-medicating, which is certainly not healthy.”
Noone questioned everything from the love of his friends and family to his sexuality. And the thoughts showed no sign of going away, haunting him throughout his junior and senior year – causing him to isolate himself and become extremely anxious. Then when it came time for his final week of college, a lot of major changes happened all at once. He had just recently broken up with his girlfriend, was about to walk the stage for graduation and was starting a new job in just a few short weeks.
He said his parents likened it to the ‘Perfect Storm.’
Noone finally decided to speak with his friends about how he had been struggling. While he was telling them, his mood suddenly started to turn around. He started to have feelings of euphoria and felt as though he had a ton of energy. As his friends began their celebrations for senior week, Noone felt excited enough to join in on the fun – but the partying didn’t stop.
“I was having a blast, but I couldn’t turn it off,” Noone said. “I had a constant, insane amount of energy, and it continued to get worse as I continued to lose sleep. I started having all these grandiose ideas that I thought could make work. I thought I could make a billion bucks off of them in a week. I was calling investors before I had even written anything down, and it even got to the point where I thought people were going to steal them from me, that people were monitoring my email and cellphone.”
It didn’t take long for his friends and family to figure out something was very wrong. After about a week of not sleeping, Noone himself started to realize he might be suffering from something very serious, and knowing that bipolar disorder ran in his family, it wasn’t hard for him to put the pieces together.
Seeking help
Realizing he needed help, Noone’s family arranged for two psychiatric disease experts to come to their home in order to advise him about what to do next.
They told him he ultimately had three options. He could do nothing and continue to suffer, schedule an appointment with a therapist (which could ultimately take weeks), or he could do something even more drastic – check into a hospital.
“Saying I should go to the hospital was shocking,” Noone said, “but it really only took my five to 10 minutes to make that decision. I finally just said I should suck it up and, ‘Let’s do this.’”
The experience was rough, but necessary. Over the next five days, Noone worked with his doctors to figure out the best treatments for moving forward and the right combination of medications that would help control his symptoms. He wasn’t allowed to leave the building until the process was done.
It was during his time at the hospital that Noone learned about the stigma surrounding bipolar disorder and mental illness in general. Everyone he met said keeping his disorder a secret was the best course of action, as people would ultimately view and treat him differently. Even his fellow patients at the hospital said talking about their symptoms and struggles was just too risky.
The silence contributed to his worst depression yet, and Noone spent the next six months feeling ashamed of himself and his condition. But in those last few months, he started to have a change of heart. His employer, Hanover Insurance, decided to transfer Noone to California for a new position, and he spent five days in a car with his father, thinking about life and letting everything sink in.
Those five days would later change everything.
“During that time period, I thought, ‘I’m not going to live this life anymore,’” Noone said. “‘This is stupid, and I’m not going to be ashamed.’”
Starting a movement
This decision to tell his roommates about his disorder had an unprecedented impact on Noone. His instincts had been right all along. Not only was it OK to talk about bipolar disorder, but it was actually therapeutic, inspiring him to turn his life around in a way he had never imagined.
“It started this momentum of happiness in my life,” Noone said. “I started working out, eating better…. I started this last May, and until now I’ve lost 70 pounds.”
Just the simple act of revealing his condition to his roommates motivated Noone to start attending meet-up groups for people with bipolar disorder and other mental health issues. He began listening to all of their life experiences and learned helpful insights and coping mechanisms he could apply to his own life.
“This was the key to my recovery, because I didn’t feel all alone,” Noone said. “Five percent of the population has bipolar disorder, and they think that number is grossly underestimated. So it was really rewarding being able to connect and meet more of them, because that’s how people are going to get inspired to get the help they need.”
Noone’s involvement with the bipolar community ultimately caught the eye of William Taylor from Mental Health America, who runs an event called “Recovery Happens,” a celebration of people with mental illness who have made recoveries in their lives. Taylor approached Noone about possibly speaking out about his bipolar experience, and Noone was eager to sign up.
Now, Noone is set to travel to different colleges to give speeches about his life story. His first speech at Sierra College in Rockland, Cali., turned out to be a great success and encouraged Noone to go one step further. Given the response he received, he recorded a separate video of his speech in his kitchen and posted it to YouTube, hoping to better spread the word online.
So far, the response has been overwhelming.
“I’ve been getting messages from people I don’t know, people in different countries,” None said. “They tell me, ‘I can really relate to this story, and you’ve inspired me to live a healthy life.’”
Besides his speaking engagements and YouTube video, Noone is working to start a non-profit, which strives to create an online community revolving around mental illness pride, as well as a marketing campaign called “Repaint the Picture,” aimed at erasing the misconceptions of mental illness and spreading mental illness pride. And Noone is not alone in this endeavor. He has already received substantial interest in starting his own initiative. Many high-profiled celebrities – such as Carrie Fisher, Linda Hamilton, Russell Brand, Howie Mandal, and Robert Downey Jr., to name a few – have already come out about their struggles with bipolar disorder, spreading knowledge and awareness of the disorder.
Overall, Noone feels the whole mental health community is on the brink of a civil rights movement, in which people with mental illness are about to come out of the shadows and spread their stories for the world to hear. It is through this effort, he says, that things will inevitably start to change.
“We’re going to try to tell the success stories,” Noone said. “The stories people need to hear. The truth.”
Interested in Logan Noone's updates? Follow him on Facebook
and Twitter.
In May 2011, Noone was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a psychiatric condition marked by alternating periods of intense depression and good or irritable moods. While seeking treatment for his mental health at a hospital, his doctors and fellow patients all told him the same thing – don’t tell anyone about your illness.
“They all said, ‘You have to be careful about who you tell, because people may discriminate against you, and it could ruin your career,’” Noone, a 23-year-old Connecticut native who now lives in California, told FoxNews.com. “And it was really frustrating for me because I thought, ‘Yeah, but they might not.’”
Though he adamantly disagreed with the idea of keeping quiet, Noone ended up taking his physicians’ advice and ultimately kept his condition to himself.
"I’m just a normal guy, and I can still fit in with everyone else. We all have something wrong with us; no one’s DNA is perfect."- Logan Noone, on his new attitude towards being bipolar
The silence tore him apart. For the next six months, he spiraled into one of his worst depressions, feeling nothing but shame for his condition and the life he was leading.
“I thought it was a flaw; I didn’t think I could be anything successful,” Noone said. “I didn’t have the drive to get better, because I thought I was destined for suicide.”
Then a seemingly small moment would catapult Noone into a completely different phase of his life. Just two days after moving to California for a job transfer, Noone nonchalantly told his new Craigslist roommates his biggest secret – that he had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Then something incredible happened.
Nothing changed.
His roommates did not discriminate against him and embraced Noone for who he was.
“I’ve been able to teach them what bipolar disorder is and change their misconceptions about it,” Noone said. “…They also taught me the lesson that I’m just a normal guy, and I can still fit in with everyone else. We all have something wrong with us; no one’s DNA is perfect.”
Since then, Noone has purposefully gone against the “keep quiet” mentality, making the choice to step up and speak out about his experience with mental illness. Having recently been hired by the California Speakers Bureau, Noone travels to different colleges throughout the state, giving speeches about his life story and how people can help erase the stigma surrounding mental illness. He has since posted a video of his speech on YouTube, which is quickly gathering views and enormous support.
Now, Noone and others are poised on the brink of what they are calling a mental health civil rights movement, aimed at encouraging those with mental illness to break their silence and talk about their experiences as something positive – and not something to hide.
Depression vs. mania
Having grown up with a loving family in Litchfield, Conn., Noone had always been a happy, normal kid. He would sometimes experience periods of depression and anxiety, but he could always turn it around quickly.
It wasn’t until he studied abroad in Scotland while attending his junior year at the College of the Holy Cross that he started to notice something wasn’t quite right.
“I started to have racing thoughts that were so consuming,” Noone said. “I couldn’t focus; I had trouble interacting with people. I didn’t feel like I knew who I was. It ultimately lead to drinking and self-medicating, which is certainly not healthy.”
Noone questioned everything from the love of his friends and family to his sexuality. And the thoughts showed no sign of going away, haunting him throughout his junior and senior year – causing him to isolate himself and become extremely anxious. Then when it came time for his final week of college, a lot of major changes happened all at once. He had just recently broken up with his girlfriend, was about to walk the stage for graduation and was starting a new job in just a few short weeks.
He said his parents likened it to the ‘Perfect Storm.’
Noone finally decided to speak with his friends about how he had been struggling. While he was telling them, his mood suddenly started to turn around. He started to have feelings of euphoria and felt as though he had a ton of energy. As his friends began their celebrations for senior week, Noone felt excited enough to join in on the fun – but the partying didn’t stop.
“I was having a blast, but I couldn’t turn it off,” Noone said. “I had a constant, insane amount of energy, and it continued to get worse as I continued to lose sleep. I started having all these grandiose ideas that I thought could make work. I thought I could make a billion bucks off of them in a week. I was calling investors before I had even written anything down, and it even got to the point where I thought people were going to steal them from me, that people were monitoring my email and cellphone.”
It didn’t take long for his friends and family to figure out something was very wrong. After about a week of not sleeping, Noone himself started to realize he might be suffering from something very serious, and knowing that bipolar disorder ran in his family, it wasn’t hard for him to put the pieces together.
Seeking help
Realizing he needed help, Noone’s family arranged for two psychiatric disease experts to come to their home in order to advise him about what to do next.
They told him he ultimately had three options. He could do nothing and continue to suffer, schedule an appointment with a therapist (which could ultimately take weeks), or he could do something even more drastic – check into a hospital.
“Saying I should go to the hospital was shocking,” Noone said, “but it really only took my five to 10 minutes to make that decision. I finally just said I should suck it up and, ‘Let’s do this.’”
The experience was rough, but necessary. Over the next five days, Noone worked with his doctors to figure out the best treatments for moving forward and the right combination of medications that would help control his symptoms. He wasn’t allowed to leave the building until the process was done.
It was during his time at the hospital that Noone learned about the stigma surrounding bipolar disorder and mental illness in general. Everyone he met said keeping his disorder a secret was the best course of action, as people would ultimately view and treat him differently. Even his fellow patients at the hospital said talking about their symptoms and struggles was just too risky.
The silence contributed to his worst depression yet, and Noone spent the next six months feeling ashamed of himself and his condition. But in those last few months, he started to have a change of heart. His employer, Hanover Insurance, decided to transfer Noone to California for a new position, and he spent five days in a car with his father, thinking about life and letting everything sink in.
Those five days would later change everything.
“During that time period, I thought, ‘I’m not going to live this life anymore,’” Noone said. “‘This is stupid, and I’m not going to be ashamed.’”
Starting a movement
This decision to tell his roommates about his disorder had an unprecedented impact on Noone. His instincts had been right all along. Not only was it OK to talk about bipolar disorder, but it was actually therapeutic, inspiring him to turn his life around in a way he had never imagined.
“It started this momentum of happiness in my life,” Noone said. “I started working out, eating better…. I started this last May, and until now I’ve lost 70 pounds.”
Just the simple act of revealing his condition to his roommates motivated Noone to start attending meet-up groups for people with bipolar disorder and other mental health issues. He began listening to all of their life experiences and learned helpful insights and coping mechanisms he could apply to his own life.
“This was the key to my recovery, because I didn’t feel all alone,” Noone said. “Five percent of the population has bipolar disorder, and they think that number is grossly underestimated. So it was really rewarding being able to connect and meet more of them, because that’s how people are going to get inspired to get the help they need.”
Noone’s involvement with the bipolar community ultimately caught the eye of William Taylor from Mental Health America, who runs an event called “Recovery Happens,” a celebration of people with mental illness who have made recoveries in their lives. Taylor approached Noone about possibly speaking out about his bipolar experience, and Noone was eager to sign up.
Now, Noone is set to travel to different colleges to give speeches about his life story. His first speech at Sierra College in Rockland, Cali., turned out to be a great success and encouraged Noone to go one step further. Given the response he received, he recorded a separate video of his speech in his kitchen and posted it to YouTube, hoping to better spread the word online.
So far, the response has been overwhelming.
“I’ve been getting messages from people I don’t know, people in different countries,” None said. “They tell me, ‘I can really relate to this story, and you’ve inspired me to live a healthy life.’”
Besides his speaking engagements and YouTube video, Noone is working to start a non-profit, which strives to create an online community revolving around mental illness pride, as well as a marketing campaign called “Repaint the Picture,” aimed at erasing the misconceptions of mental illness and spreading mental illness pride. And Noone is not alone in this endeavor. He has already received substantial interest in starting his own initiative. Many high-profiled celebrities – such as Carrie Fisher, Linda Hamilton, Russell Brand, Howie Mandal, and Robert Downey Jr., to name a few – have already come out about their struggles with bipolar disorder, spreading knowledge and awareness of the disorder.
Overall, Noone feels the whole mental health community is on the brink of a civil rights movement, in which people with mental illness are about to come out of the shadows and spread their stories for the world to hear. It is through this effort, he says, that things will inevitably start to change.
“We’re going to try to tell the success stories,” Noone said. “The stories people need to hear. The truth.”
Interested in Logan Noone's updates? Follow him on Facebook
and Twitter.Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/03/07/no-longer-silent-man-with-bipolar-disorder-speaks-up-about-his-illness-and/#ixzz2XQlIxaoe
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Schizophrenia and the Small Miracles: Hope and Reality
My son, Ben, who lives with paranoid schizophrenia, used to seem lost to us almost completely…maybe 20% of him was occasionally glimpsed by us behind his symptoms. Now, with treatment for schizophrenia, he is back with us – about 65-75%. Depends on the day. But I’ll take it.
If Wishes Came True...
Is it “enough”? Of course not! But it’ll do. We have seen worse – much worse – and many families are still dealing with more heartbreaking crisis, I know. But, yes, sometimes I still miss Ben – or, rather, the parts of him still masked by residual schizophrenia symptoms, in varying degrees. His sense of humor, his sensitivity to the feelings of others, can change from day to day. And, sometimes, it’s hard to pinpoint why.
“Realistic Hope” in Schizophrenia Recovery
What does that mean? Where exactly are we now?You know how, after a cold, it is a miracle the first time you can breathe again through your nose? Or how, after surgery, it’s a thing of pure joy when you can walk to the mailbox and back?
Well, that’s how it can be when someone you love is coming back from episodes of psychosis. The “small miracles” are only miraculous because they had been taken away – and you feared you might never have them again.
Still – you’ve got to know the limits, and realize what isn’t along with what is. And rejoice when you can, mourn on occasion, and eventually accept – with a glimmer of hope for more improvement.
For example: it isn’t always easy to connect with Ben, still. That’s the reality of treatment – at best, it manages many of the symptoms. But – it does not cure. Ben in not back with us 100% – oh, how I wish.
He still has schizophrenia, after all, despite the management of symptoms provided by his treatment. Still, there’s a lot that goes on in his brain that I will never know – and cannot really ask about anymore.
For instance – he refuses to cut his hair. Some kind of Samson thing,
Samson could not cut his hair
And – the easy flow of conversation and laughter? Boy, I sure do miss that, always. But – it that flow is there sometimes, in moments of connection that break through the clouds of his illness.
I just have to capture those moments and hold them close to my heart. And know their limits.
Living With Mental Illness Limitations
Fairly consistent connection subjects, for us, right now:- Making family plans
- Sharing music – singing together, asking about what he likes
- When I compliment him
- When he is proud of something
- Scrabble or Boggle, or other family game
- Seeing a movie or play
- Reminding him to comb hair, cut nails, do chores
- Large events with too many conversations at once
- Asking about what his goals are, he plans do to in the future
- What will he “do” with his college degree?
- Discussions about smoking
Still, there are moments to treasure. Ben danced with me last night at my nephew’s wedding. It was a treasured moment of normal.
Never Give Up Hope
But – what can you hope for, given the reality of current treatments, and lack of consistent support services?Hope for everything. And fight for what you can.
What can you expect?
That will take time and experience to tell. Get support and education in the meantime…and count the small miracles when you can. Sometimes, they are all you have – and, some days, they just have to be enough
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